Finding A Healing Place

Love Will Always Be the Universal Language

2012-02-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

Today was spent teaching classes almost the entire day. In between breaks, I did my usual "Haiti thinking" and today's thoughts were centered around communication.

Okay, I know we'll have a translator with us at all times, but what about those times when I would like to say something personally to a child? How will that child understand what I'm trying to communicate? Should I try to use some kind of made-up sign language? Should I buy a book on "How to speak like a Haitian"?

To you it might sound silly, but to me this is a big thing. I want the kids to understand me. I want the adults in the nursing home to know how much I care. I want the families who are getting food relief to know that my heart will always be with them, and that I will continue to pray and care.

Well, you guessed it. My answer came from God. He spoke to me by way of my daughter Stephanie's pictures. I looked at her face in picture after picture. Sometimes she was smiling. Other times she was crying. Still other times she was looking into the eyes of a child she was holding close to her heart. And, as the saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words." In each and every picture I can "see" what Stephanie is saying. She's saying, "I love you. I care for you. I'm here to help you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be fed. I want you to feel safe. I want you to go to sleep and be peaceful tonight."

How will I speak and be understood while in Haiti? The same way everyone else will. I will speak with my heart. My heart will transform my outer being into the language of universal love. That's just what Jesus does!

And, so it now is only forty four more days until departure. The excitement is growing!

Love,
Clara
PS A very special thank you to Stephanie for giving me permission to use photos from her previous trips to Haiti.

Water, Water, and More Water!

2012-01-31T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today's diet consisted mostly of water. Wonderful, fresh, ice cold water. I drank it for breakfast. I drank it for lunch. I drank water with a slice of lemon for my afternoon snack. And, I just finished another tall glass of water with lots of ice.

I've always been a water drinker -- even as a small kid I can remember going out to the hand pump and cranking out the water. Oh, it was so cold and seemed to hit the spot perfectly, especially on those muggy, hot days in New Jersey! Even better was when there was an outside spigot to turn on and stick your head under to cool off and lap up that refreshing, cold water.

Why did I drink only water today? You guessed it! Haiti is always on my mind these days. I've been told that fresh, clean water is something that is not readily available to everyone. In fact, most of the water where we will be staying is contaminated. We will have to purchase our water and be ever so careful not to even allow the "regular water" to touch our lips.

This disturbs me so much! In this day and age of super technology, the finest machinery and drilling equipment, and advances being made daily in the fields of science, how in the world are there people who still don't have clean drinking water readily available to them?

I don't have the answer to that question, but I do know how much I love and appreciate thirst-quenching, clean, clear, cold water! And, I know that I am acutely aware of the struggles many people go through just trying to get a little bit of drinking water for their daily hydration. I also know it pains me to think of living a life without fresh, clean drinking water.

Forty five days until my feet stand on Haitian soil. Forty five days until I will be wondering where I will get my daily supply of water. Forty five days until I will not have any icy, cold water to drink on those steamy, hot days. Forty five days until I will experience first hand what it truly means to be in need of one of the most basic things in life -- clean drinking water.

Forty five days until I see with my eyes what it's like not to have a pump in the front yard, a spigot on the side of the house, at least 5 or 6 faucets inside of the house pouring out clean, clear water.

Forty five days until my heart will forever be broken.........

Love,

Clara

It Only Hurts a Little Bit!

2012-01-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

It only hurt a little bit!!

Today was the day that the trip to Haiti began to really feel like it was going to take place! An hour long drive to go get my shots gave me lots and lots of time to think. "So, you're really doing this. You're going through with the trip. If you get the shots, you're committed to go. There's no backing out now."

And, so my conversation went on and on like that through the entire drive to Pittsburgh. Oh, I wasn't afraid of the shot. I'm a toughie when it comes to things like that. My fear is facing the unknown. Going into a land that is foreign to me is not what I would call an "exiting trip." It's an adventure, but not a pleasure trip. I sound terribly selfish, don't I? Like I said many times before, God has a lot of work to do with me. I love the comforts of home so much, and I'll be the first to admit it. I miss my comfy bed and I didn't even leave yet!

The nurse at Passport Health greeted me with a smile. "So, you're a little nervous about this trip?" How in the world did she know? "Your face looks pale. Here...have some water. Let's get you good and hydrated before you get your shots."

This sounded like a plot of some sort. I was in deep trouble. Out came the notebook she had prepared for the trip. It even had my name on it! Yikes! Too, too real!!! The nurse took her time and went over every possible detail of the trip she could think of along with explaining every shot that was needed for this trip to Haiti.

One thing seemed to pop off of the page as we were going through the booklet, and I couldn't seem to get past it. The entire land of Haiti was colored in brown. "What's that mean?" I knew it had to mean something important! "If you don't take your malaria medication, you most certainly will get malaria."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was fussing and asking a ton of questions trying to avoid as many vaccines and prevention medications as possible. Why? Because I just didn't want to take the medication. No other reason. And, that's when it all hit me. Those children -- the ones we're going to visit. Those precious children are hoping upon all hope that we will bring them the vaccines they need to prevent whooping cough, malaria, measles, mumps, worms, meningitis, and flu. They are praying for the same medications that I was tossing aside simply because I didn't want to take them.

"Okay, God. You've done it again. You're really digging into my heart, aren't you?"

With tears of shame streaming down my face, I gladly received my shots. I said prayers of thanks for the availability of the medication. I thanked God for such a special nurse. I thanked God for the car that got me to the facility where I could receive the medication. I thanked God for the financial means to pay for the vaccines.

I humbly and gratefully thanked God for my many, many blessings.

And, so it is now forty six days until departure for Haiti. Today was a good day......a very good day.

Love,

Clara

PS I might be a toughie when it comes to shots, but I'm not kidding when I tell you that both of my arms are sore!!! Where, oh where, is that bottle of Tylenol?

Those Eyes Are Melting My Heart!

2012-01-29T18:20:00.000-08:00

Sitting on my comfortable pew in church today, thoughts of Haiti kept overriding anything the preacher said. All I kept thinking was, "Only forty six more days until entering a foreign land. Forty six days to prepare for this life-changing experience!"

And, then the adrenalin rush that comes with fear made my body shake. Tomorrow I will travel to Pittsburgh to get the first series of traveler's shots. I've never had any of these vaccines before, so that nagging fear kept creeping into my thoughts. "What if you get a bad reaction to the shots? What if the nurse messes up and gives you too much of the serum? What if, what if, what if......" You know how Satan loves to play with your mind. I thought of every "what if" possible, and then something snapped me back to reality.

As Pastor Ray kept speaking words of assurance from God's word, I realized once again how small my faith really is. My faith is wee small. Baby small. Tiny, squeaky faith. I was sitting next to my oldest daughter, and I wanted to cry in shame. She's shown some amazing faith in her life! And, here's her mom. Her mom that is supposed to be this strong woman of God. Instead----baby faith.

And, then I prayed this prayer, "God, help me to trust you. I mean really, really trust you. I know you're trying to dig deep into my life. I know you're knocking at the door of my heart. I can hear you. But, I'm so afraid to let you all the way in."

True confessions, friends. I hate change. I absolutely, positively hate any kind of life changes. And, I already know that this trip is going to kindle the fires of change within me, and I'm still trying to buck the sytem. God sure has His work cut out with this ole gal!

When I came home from church, I decided to look at Steph's Haiti pictures again, and one picture seemed to speak to me more than any other today. This little girl's eyes seemed to be looking right at me. They dug right into my heart and seemed to say, "What are you afraid of, lady? You have everything you could ever need or want. Most of all you have Jesus walking right by your side. Think of me when you're getting those shots tomorrow. I wish that somebody -- maybe even you -- would bring shots to my orphanage so I wouldn't get sick anymore. Don't be afraid, lady. Just think of me and think of how happy you should be because you have Jesus."

And, on day forty six, I'm thinking. I'm thinking constantly of this little sweet soul in the pink dress with those beautiful, big brown eyes. Tomorrow when I get my shots, I will cling to this picture, and I won't be afraid. I know I won't be afraid. I will think of Jesus and the little girl in Haiti with the pink dress calling out to me.

Love,
Clara

God, I'm Running Out of Excuses!

2012-01-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

Today I attended the second meeting about the trip to Haiti -- the trip that "I" will be going on this March. God and I have had many, many conversations about this trip, and so far He seems to be getting His way -- even though I've been trying out every excuse in the book NOT to go!

My daily conversations with God for the past few months have been blunt and to the point. "God, I don't want to go. Send somebody else. My job is to stay here -- home -- right where I want to be." I've thought of excuse after excuse as to why I'm not the right person to be going on this trip. And, I thought my excuses were pretty good, too!

"God, you know for a fact that I don't have the money." His reply to this was simple and quick. "Here you go....a friend has just donated the money for you to go!" All I could think was, "Why? Now why did he do that?!?!? Why did he have to give that money for me?"

"I'm way too old for this trip and I won't be able to climb up into the truck while traveling to villages or spend long days in the sweltering heat." My doctor, after examining me said, "You must be doing something right. Your health checks out better than it has in years. Keep up the great work!" Another excuse went down the drain. I can't believe this! God thinks I can survive the steaming heat while packed together like sardines on a rickety truck in a foreign land. Are you kidding me? "God, this is a joke, right?"

"My kids will miss me and I'm needed right here at home. You know how much they need me, God. Besides, there are birthdays in March and a new grandbaby is due to be born." Well, God must have laughed at that one! Five of my kids are going on this trip to Haiti -- that's half of my family. In fact, they are the ones planning this trip! And, so God wins out on this one, too. "Listen to me child. You're going to be with your family! This is going to be great!" I had no answer for God on this one.

"I'm not in a strong enough place emotionally to see any kind of human suffering." Oh, God showed me how wrong I was on this excuse, too! My children have had a year of unbelievable pain. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined the trials our family would be asked to endure. And, you guessed it. God made sure I stayed strong so that I could be "mom" and "gram" to my hurting children.

"God, I give up! You win! I'm going on this trip, but I'm afraid.....I'm afraid you've called on the wrong person."

It is now forty seven days until a team of thirteen, myself included, will depart for Haiti to spend time with precious souls. I'm trying to pump myself up for this, but I've got to tell you that I really am afraid. I'm not even sure of what. Everything, I guess. And, so I'm going to write my thoughts each day and have you, my friends, join me for what will no doubt be the most life-changing event of my life!

I'm feeling pretty wimpy right now, but God seems to think I can do this. He and I are still debating, and so far He's winning. Stick with me and let's see what all He has in store for this old granny!

Love,
Clara
PS The picture posted here is my daughter, Stephanie, on one of her trips to Haiti. She absolutely, positively radiates God's love. Maybe, just maybe, God wants me to do a little radiating, too!

Thank You for the Frogs and Toads and Lizards and.........

2010-10-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

Aren't kids' prayers the greatest? They don't miss anything, do they? When they pray, they really pray!

"Thank you for my bike, my toy that goes beep beep, for my new book bag, my shoes, and my coat. Thank you for all the pretty things in the house like the lamps and the chairs and the tables and all the soap that smells so good in the bathroom."

"Thank you for my mommy and daddy and my baby brother and big sister. Thank you for all my friends who come play with me and make me laugh. Thank you for the sand and the stones and the moon and the stars and the clouds that float in the sky"

"Thank you for all of the pretty trees and flowers and the kites that fly on windy days. Thank you for the stores and streets and the buses and cars and the trains that go past grandma's house every day. Thank you for cookies and milk and for all the candy that daddy gives me when mommy isn't looking."

By now, we're about ready for our child to draw this prayer to a close. After all, we're tired and would like to sit down and relax a bit before bed, too. "Honey, let's bring this prayer to a close. "God is very, very happy with your prayer. I'm sure He is smiling about all of the things you've been praying about."

"No! I have more things to tell God. My prayer isn't finished yet!" And, so the prayer continues..........

"Thank you for bugs and ants and dragons and dinosaurs. Thank you for cows and pigs and roosters and everything that grows on farms. Thank you for gardens and tractors and rakes and leaves and the tall trees -- and the little trees, too."

By now, our patience is running a bit thin. "Okay, I really mean it. It's time to say good night to God so that mommy can shut off the light and you can get some sleep."

"I'm almost finished with my prayer. I promise. Just one more thing. Thank you, God, for the wiggly frog that I held today. I sure hope he doesn't give me big warts like Lukie said he would. And, God.......please help my mommy to know how to pray. She forgets to say thank you about a lot of stuff, but I always, always remember because I love you very much! Amen."

As I look into the eyes of this child of mine, I feel so ashamed. She's right, you know. I don't spend nearly enough time saying thank you to God. She has this prayer thing down right. And, so I turn out the light, fall to my knees, and begin my prayer......."Thank you, God, for all the little children who teach us all about you!"

Love,
Clara -- a mom who is still trying to get this prayer thing right!

Grandmom's Pumpkin Pie

2010-09-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Fall strikes up such wonderful memories for me, and most of them have to do with fall harvest and food! Oh, how I love the smell of apples baking! There’s absolutely thing to compare to homemade applesauce with a dash of cinnamon……..except Grandmom’s pumpkin pies made from scratch.

Growing up, I had no idea that pumpkin pies could be made from anything except fresh pumpkin. And, I have to tell you that when tasting the difference between fresh pumpkin and canned, I’ll take the fresh pumpkin over canned a hundred to one!

There’s something else about this pumpkin pie thing, though. I don’t think it’s just the recipe that makes the pies so good. I believe that a large part of my longing for homemade pumpkin pies has to do with remembering my Grandmother.

Grandmom was a plain lady – no frills or thrills about her. She was my mother’s mom, of German descent, and she was poorer than a church mouse, but also the richest woman I ever met! She had “wealth of spirit”, not physical treasure. She was always content with what she had. In fact, one of her well-known phrases was, “This is like Christmas in July!” She graciously and thankfully accepted hand-me-downs of any kind, and would literally give you the very shirt off of her back.

Grandmom lived in a little old house in the woods in New Gretna, New Jersey. She had pine trees in her side yard, a grape arbor out back, a flowerbed by her front steps, and a cranberry bog in the woods behind her house. I don’t think she ever owned a new piece of furniture in her 96 years of living on this earth. “Stuff” didn’t matter to her. What mattered to her was her loved and dedication to God and her total trust in God.

Grandmom lived as a widow without complaint for over 40 years. She lived to bury 2 of her 3 children and saw 3 of her 8 grandchildren buried – one of them being my 13-year-old sister. Never during all of that grief and pain did I see her faith falter, and to this day I marvel at her quiet, yet tenacious, faith in God. I honestly don’t know how she remained so strong in her faith!

She loved all people – rich, poor, strong, weak, Christian or non. She house strangers passing through and did not lose her faith in humankind when she was gagged, tied in a chair, and robbed of her only savings -- $100 hidden underneath her mattress. The robbers, who had fully intended to kill her, untied her and fled. I think she shook them up to the point of no return when she offered to fix them dinner, as they were about to rob her. Even in this situation she wanted to give!

Grandmom always said grace before each meal, and she opened and closed every day with a bible reading, memorization of one Scripture verse, and the writing of her list of blessings for the day.

When I think of fall and pumpkins and pumpkin pies, I think of my Grandmother and I miss her so much! As I bake my pies this eyar, I will she a few salty tears, I’m sure. Not tears of sadness as much as tears of joy and remembrance of the dearest lady I’m ever known. Grandmom, I sure do love and miss you!

Love,
Clara
PS If you care to have my Grandmother’s own pumpkin pie recipe, let me know. I’ll gladly share, but you have to promise to bake your pies with lots and lots of love!

Seize the Moment -- Just Do It!

2010-09-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

We’ve all heard the phrases, “seize the moment” and “just do it” more times than we care to mention. And, if you’re like me, you’ve bought books on how to take time to smell the roses, live in the present, and take time for the little things in life. Yet…….so much of our lives is spent doing “ meaningless stuff” that we really don’t take the time to “seize the moment” or “just do it” until something like a tragedy strikes. And, then we stop everything and spend day after day, hour after hour just wishing that we had taken the time to do the things in life that really count. Why does it take something terrible in our lives to happen before we truly “get it”?

Anyone who knows me also knows that when I was a teen at the age of 15 my middle sister died. She was only thirteen, and the impact that her death had on my life cannot even be put into words. When Carmella died, it was like someone took their foot with a heavy, steel-toed work boot and smashed my heart over and over again. My life as a teen was turned upside down and I really and truly understood how fragile life is and how quickly those moments that count can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

Ever since June 5, the day she died many years ago, my eyes have viewed life from a different perspective. I’ve wished a million times over that it didn’t take the death of my sister to impact my life like this, but I’m also thankful that her life had that much meaning to touch me for a lifetime. And, it is my constant prayer that not one day will slip past me without taking time to enjoy the wonder of it all!

What I’m trying to say is this. Life is short, and can end at any moment. Life is fragile and circumstances in life can change dramatically at any time. That’s not meant to be a frightening thought, but rather a thought to keep us focused on the real meaning of life. We are here for such a short time when viewed in the spectrum of eternity, so why not make the most of our living while on this earth? We’ve been given so much beauty to enjoy! We have oceans and mountains and streams. There are fields and flowers and rainforests. The sky is vast and blue and incredible! There are rainbows and bolts of lightening, the stars and the moon. There are butterflies and hummingbirds and eagles that soar. Not to mention the untold miracles found in a newborn baby or the tenderness and beauty found in the wrinkles of a wise and aged person of ninety. There is laughter and joy to be found everywhere if only we take time out of our crazy, busy daily routines to look around us!

Don’t delay! Grasp hold of some of today’s beauty and linger and enjoy it. Say “I love you” often. Did you know you can never say those words too many times? Give that hug you’ve been meaning to give. Study the shape and the color of the leaves. Be a star gazer and allow yourself to be “wowed” by the magic of the night lights. Just do it! Take a bit of time each and every day to enjoy the many wonders and miracles of life that surround you! Seize the moment. Just do it!

Love,
Clara
Mom of 11 children
Mom of 1 stillborn son
Mom of 6 angel babies
Author of Silent Grief

Joy Comes from the Simple Things in Life!

2010-09-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

I don’t know exactly why, but this morning was one of those days when I woke up early and started thinking before I ever got out of bed. My mind began to wrestle over some of the problems I knew I’d be facing today, and the more I thought, the more tensed up my mind and body became. Then, without any warning, a ray of sunshine found its way into the bedroom through the curtains that had been pulled shut the evening before, and that’s when my mind shifted gears.

There is so much that brings joy into my life. There are far more joyful things than those momentary worries, so why spend precious moments at the beginning of the day cluttering my mind with the things in life that don’t bring lasting meaning? Why not concentrate on the joyful things – the simple things in life that are my daily gifts to enjoy?

And, so…..I’ll share some of my list of the simple things in life that bring me such great joy!

Feeling the dew on my bare feet that covers that grass
Colorful flowers and leaves
Blue skies
Gentle falling raindrops
My warm, comfy bed
A steaming cup of freshly brewed coffee early in the morning
The sound of the birds singing
Watching a deer slowly walk across the front yard
Pears dropping from the ‘ole pear tree
The smell of pancakes on a crisp, fall morning
Snuggling up in my soft fleece blanket with a good book
Watching a sappy love story
Eating freshly popped popcorn
Sipping on hot peach tea right before bed
Standing on the porch and listening to the sounds of nature
Talking to Steph who always gives me something to laugh about
Looking at pictures of the kids when they were little – fun memories!
The smell of fresh paint
Vases filled with flowers from the garden
Picking a tomato and eating it straight from the garden
Lavender vanilla candles
The smell of a newborn baby
Hearing the giggles and laughter of little kids
Hugs from my kids
The smell of the crisp, autumn air

My list is never ending….but you’re getting the picture. The simple things in life are those things that surround us daily, but we so often don’t take the time to appreciate and fully enjoy because we allow our minds to be far too cluttered with the daily noise of “stuff”.

Why not join me and make YOUR list of the simple things in life that bring joy to you each day? I’ll make you a little bet…..we can each easily fill a book with our personal treasures of joy!

I’m keeping my list right beside me where I can add to it daily. Who knows? Maybe one day it will be a book, or at least it will be a “mom’s journal of simple things” that I leave behind for some of my kids and grandkids to enjoy! Or, knowing them, the journal will provide them with hours and hours of laughter as they recall, “mom was the simplest thing of all”!

Love,
Clara
Mom of 11 living children
Mom of 1 stillborn son
Mom of 6 angel babies

Everyday Heroes - My Inspiration!

2010-09-14T07:45:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading a book for the second time -- Life's That Way by Jim Beaver. It's a personal journal that Jim kept when he found out his wife Cecily had lung cancer. I bought the book because I speak on the topic of grief and coping skills for grief, and thought this book might give me some more insight into how people cope when life is suddenly turned upside down. The book is great, but not as great as actually speaking one-on-one with what I like to call life's everyday heroes -- those people in the trenches fighting daily battles of brokenness, loss, undeserved devastation -- who never get a book written about them and who never really get much recognition at all.

And, so it is that I want to tell you about my friends, Mike and Darcel Fahy.

I've known Mike since he was little kid. He graduated in my daughter Mandy's class from a small hometown high school in Shanksville where everybody knows everybody. After graduation I didn't hear much about Mike until one day I saw him wandering the halls of the building where I work. He was applying for a job and I promised I'd put in a good word for him. Seeing Mike that day was a reminder that he had grown up, and I had grown old! Life moves on quickly!

Mike got the job, and he often visited my office sharing stories and photos of falling in love with Darcel, their wedding, buying his new truck, and then buying their first home. He and Darcel are one of those couples that you love to be around -- full of fun and laughter and lots of energy!

On June 29, 201o no longer were Mike and Darcel living lives as regular people, in a quiet little town, going through the normal carefree activities of everyday life. Suddenly, and without warning, they were thrust into the battlefield called CANCER and this young couple now has joined the ranks of those people I call my everyday heroes!

Darcel, at the young age of 25, was told by her doctor that she has stage 3 ovarian cancer. She went to the hospital for a procedure to rid her of endometriosis so that she could get pregnant. When she left the hospital a few days later Darcel had undergone a hysterectomy, had a temporary colostomy, and understood that she would be facing several weeks of chemo, other surgeries, not to mention all of the many changes in daily routine that would now become part of Mike and Darcel's new life on the battlefield.

Most of us would have left that hospital broken in spirit and depleted of all hope. Not Darcel! Not Mike! Darcel looked her doctor straight into his eyes and said with complete confidence, "I won't let this beat me", and that has been her battle cry every day since!

Rather than focus their attention inward, Mike and Darcel have taken this ovarian cancer and together they are touching the lives of thousands of others. Just days after Darcel got home from the hospital, Mike and a friend created the website http://www.wontletthisbeatme.com/ and Darcel is making it her goal to educate as many women, young and old, about the insidious symptoms of ovarian cancer. Darcel is a young woman with a passion and purpose. She is determined to fight this battle and be a winner! She is working hard each day to get word out about ovarian cancer. Who knew that this cancer could strike a woman at such a young age? Thanks to Darcel's efforts, thousands of young women are learning about the symptoms of ovarian cancer.

Dignity. Grace. Passion. Selflessness. Determination. Those are the words that best describe Mike and Darcel. No, they may never make national headlines in a newspaper or have a book on the National Bestsellers List. They don't drive a splashy car or live in a luxorious house. They're not worldwide travelers or among the world's top 100 wealthiest people. But, they are heroes! They are heroes not only to me, but to the thousands of others who are touched by their story of courage, determination, and unwavering faith. They are fighting a war, and they will win!

To get to know more about Darcel's cancer journey and to join in on doing your part to help find new ways of early detection of ovarian cancer, please visit Darcel at http://www.wontletthisbeatme.com/ . Read her blog. Leave her a note and let her know that you have joined her in this battle. Buy a t-shirt and a wrist band and wear it with pride as you help Darcel in this undertaking she has taken on with such passion and pride!

Darcel and Mike, you are my heroes, and you are an amazing inspiration! May God graciously continue to bless you and your selfless efforts!

Love,

Clara

"Mom, there's just one more thing I need....."

2010-08-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

I couldn't begin to count the number of times I've heard, "Mom, there's just one more thing I need....", and the list goes on and on and on. But, the odd thing is that I've never grown tired of hearing that. Instead, those words make me feel good, and happy, and useful, and needed. It's when I don't hear those words that I feel lost and lonely and a bit forgotten. Crazy, isn't it?

This morning was a regular type of morning....except that I was missing the kids. So many of them live far away, and our visits are limited to once a year. Most days I'm okay with that, but not today. It was just one of those "I'm missing my kids" kind of days. Maybe it's the changing of the season. Maybe it's just that kids are returning back to school, and that gives me reminders that I don't have any little ones home any more. Or, maybe I'm just more aware of the minutes ticking by more quickly as I grow older.

I was checking my emails and wishing that the phone would ring with a call from one of the kids when there -- I spotted it! "Mom, I hate to ask you, but.......there's just one more thing that I need!" You have no idea how much that lifted my spirts! I read the email request and thought to myself......I'm needed. I'm being call on as "mom". I'm not forgotten. I still serve a purpose.

Honestly, I think most of us as parents go through phases like this, but we feel a bit weird to express it. When our children are young, they depend on us for everything from their daily food, shelter, and clothing to their rides to and from school, the doctor, piano lessons, and soccer games.

Then, in the blink of an eye they're driving their own cars, and suddenly they become independent.....(except when they need cash to fill up the gas tank)! And, we parents have a tough time discovering the new role we now play in the lives of our children. They no longer need us as they did when they needed us to tie their shoes, wipe their noses, and pack their lunches. In fact, in this day of technology and instant everything, our kids rarely really need us for anything. Help is available at the click of a mouse on the computer, iPhone, or GPS!

I don't know that I'll ever outgrow the desire to be needed in the lives of my children. I want them to be grown up and independent, yet I still value my place in their hearts as "mom." I still like it when they call to ask my opinion. I cherish those times when I hear, "I don't know how you did it! Help me get through this!" I love knowing that even though we are all taking on new roles in life, I can still fill the slot as "mom." And, yes, I really do love it when I occasionally get the email or call that says, "Mom, there's just one more thing I need." To me, those words are translated into "Mom, I still need you!"
I love you, Steph!
Love,
Mom

The Day the Rainbow Spoke

2010-08-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

Each of us has a moment -- that special defining moment that we can remember when our lives made a pivotol change. For me, that moment came on the day the rainbow spoke.

To set the background, I had just been through the worst emotional storm of my life. In my seventh month of pregnancy, I went to the doctor for a routine monthly check-up only to find that my baby boy had died. Intra-uterine death are the words the doctor quietly voiced. "Your baby's heart has stopped beating."

It took a long time for those harsh, cruel words to sink in and when they did my world came crashing down. Due to the beliefs of my doctor, it was best for me to carry this child, my son, until I went into spontaneous labor. How long would that take? What would it feel like? What would he look like? Will I get an infection? What happens after he is born? So many questions, and nobody to give me answers. I got only tearful stares. People hurt with me, and nobody had any answers that seemed to be the right ones. Really, there were no answers that I wanted to hear. I only wanted one thing and that was my baby.

In three weeks, I did deliver this beautiful, perfect child, and he was just as the doctors said he would be. He was fully developed, he had a lot of blonde, fuzzy hair, and he was perfectly still. No heart was beating. When I think back to that moment, I can still remember the crushing pain my own heart felt as it broke into a million little pieces.

For months I cried every hour of the day. Nothing seemed right. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. The joy had died when my little boy died. The world that I once knew went totally black on me and I believed at that time that I would never again know joy in my life.

One particular day, I was driving down the country road that leads to my home, and a storm blew in rather abruptly. The sky became as dark as the night, and the winds whipped, and the sky poured rain as I've never seen before. The thunder clapped and the lightening flashed, and my tears began to fall as hard as the rain. The louder the thunder roared, the louder my wails became. I stopped the car along the side of the road and wished at that moment that I could just vanish into the depths of the storm. The pain I was feeling felt like far too much!

Then, something amazing began to happen. Just as suddenly as it began raining, it stopped. The dark turned to light so fast that it was like a light switch being turned on. I couldn't breathe right from so much crying, so I opened the window in the car, and as I did I looked upward through my swollen eyes, and then it happened. This was the day the rainbow spoke!

Right before my eyes was a glorious rainbow stretched across the sky that just moments before was black as night spilling forth torrential rain. The sun came out bright and wonderful, and the rainbow continued to speak. "Be calm, my child. I have sent you this rainbow as your sign of hope. No longer will your days be black, but you will be filled with Light and Peace. I will hold you in the palm of my hand and will take you in the shelter of my wing."

And, that is exactly what happened. It was just as I say. God had given me the sign of His everlasting promise of hope. He was with me and I no longer had to walk this path alone. It was right at that moment -- the day the rainbow spoke -- that my heart began to heal!

Love,

Clara

Mother of 11 living children

Mother of 6 angel babies

Mother of 1 stillborn son

On the Way to God's Garage!

2010-07-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

This blog spot is about healing, and sometimes I feel really bad that I lack organization. My topics are here, there, and everywhere.....some funny, some real tear-jerkers, some kind of blah, but all with an intended meaning to help bring us closer to a healing place in life! So, bear with this old mom and read on about some of my thoughts following my daughter's trip home from a mission trip in Haiti.

Right up front I'll put it on the plate. I know that not everybody is in favor of "us" (US citizens) being in another country helping out when we have so many problems right here under our own noses. However, I'm entitled to my own belief and opinions, and I want to say that I know that we should be helping all people who are in need, not just those in foreign countries. We are to serve wherever our hearts lead us. The key word phrase here is "we are to serve", not sit idly by and complain, fuss, and give thoughtful insights as to how the world got to be such a terrible place. We are to get up off of our dusty butts and do something to help better our world!

That being said, I will tell you that I am a most thankful person every day of my life. I'm thankful for things like food, a home, peace within the walls of my home, health, a loving family.....all of the things that everyone places at the top of their own thankful lists. But, when my daughter and her fiancee' came home from serving a week in a Haitian orphanage, spending time hugging the aged and those dying alone , and visited a debtor's prison, my life experienced unrest and is still in a mindset of restlessness.

I say "thank you" for everything, and every day I am overcome with appreciation for my wonderful blessings. But, when I saw the photos that Stephanie shared of the Haitian children, something began hurting in my heart like never before. I saw the faces of the oppressed. I saw the look of loneliness. I definitely saw starvation. The intense, sweltering heat, and the lack of blessings such as cold, pure drinking water were evident in every photo. No formula for babies. Nobody to extend caring, loving arms to children roaming the streets with no place to call home. My heart really aches just writing these words!

Here I sit and not far beyond the boundaries of my home is the daily scene of poverty, not just physical poverty, but spiritual poverty, and I'm aware of this. Yet......I sit. Something very big is missing in my own heart that Stephanie and the others who went on this trip possess. My heart is missing the final part of love. My heart is missing the "giving" part. My heart is missing the "action" part of love! I say love with my lips, I feel it in my heart, but I'm not always living it. My heart needs a tune-up and I cannot rest until I get my heart into "God's Garage" and allow Him to give this old woman the tune-up of her life.

Stay tuned........I'll be posting lots more of my thoughts and actions in the days to come. Want to join me as I travel to the tune-up place? I'm not sure yet just where it's located, but I know I'm on my way, and I know the Master Mechanic that's in charge!

Love,

Clara

Born with a Silver Spoon in his Mouth!

2010-06-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard people say, "He's so lucky! He had so many breaks given to him along the way to success!"? Or, "He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He had everything given to him." You know the type of thoughts I'm referring to -- those thoughts that are the negative, self-defeating thoughts.

Nobody in this world who is successful has ever had "easy breaks", "everything given to him" or "every door opened just at the right time" without working hard and staying focused! Easy Street just doesn't exist UNLESS you call having a plan, staying focused, and persevering no matter what "easy"! And, really, following the success plan works and is a lot easier than floundering around having no plan at all! Have a plan; stay focused, and never quit!

Consider this: "He failed in business in '31. He was defeated for state legislator in '32. He tried another business and it failed in '33. He had a nervous breakdown in '36. In '43 he ran for Congress and was defeated in '48 and was defeated again. He tried running for Senate in '55. He lost. The next year he ran for Vice President and lost. In '59 he ran for the Senate again and was defeated. In 1860, the man who signed his name A. Lincoln, was elected the 16th President of the United States. The difference between history's boldest accomplishments and its most staggering failures is often, simply, the diligent will to persevere."

What are your goals? Do you live them, breathe them, sleep them? Are you willing to persevere in the face of seeming failure? Abraham Lincoln did and look what happened! You can do it! FOCUS and PERSEVERE and you'll win! Today is the day to keep on keeping on!

Love,
Clara
PS Okay, so once in a while it's fun just to experiment the feeling of having a silver spoon dangling from your mouth!

Oh, the Things My Kitchen Clutter Taught Me about Myself!

2010-06-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to do it! Just dive right in and clean out that nasty kitchen cupboard that has been bothering me for a long time. WOW! What a job! Even more than the work involved in cleaning out that space, I sure did go through a mind-boggling process of learning a lot about "me" in the process!

For years, I've been my own worst nag about keeping clutter cleaned up. Now mind you, I will take all credit for personally birthing eleven -- yes, your heard it right -- eleven kids, and I gave birth in succession similar to a machine gun. One right after the other! No breaks long enough to even catch my breath, let alone clean the clutter that came with each new child.

Fast forward to the point where I am in my life right now. I'm down to one child living at home. Life today is nothing in comparison to the days back when the washing machine was my closest love and companion. When the washing machine broke down, so did I!

As I'm tackling cleaning each and every space in my home now that the kids have cleared out, my eyes are enlightened more and more about who I am. I'm not a hoarder in the sense of keeping things so cluttered that you can't move. But, I've been a saver of things. Many of my saved things have emotional attachment such as kids' report cards, letters they've written to me, some articles of clothing. Actually, I'm finding I'm no different than any other parent in that respect.

Until.......I hit the kitchen! Today, I think I came across at least ten thousand pieces of plastic serving pieces! Yes, you read correctly. Those little plastic knives, forks, and spoons that you use when you don't want to use your "good silverware" (of which I have none). Why? Why have I saved so much of that plastic stuff? Add to that at least two hundred fifty plastic food containers, most of them without lids. What was I thinking? Why didn't I at least stuff some fun things into that cupboard space like cookie tins and funny mugs and stuff that would at least have made me smile? Plasticware? You've got to be kidding!!!

After two hours of sorting through the "keep" pile and the "throw away" pile, I finally figured it out. My kids were forever fighting over food. Food was not a staple while they were growing up. Food was something that they fought for! There was only so much to go around and if the cooked food didn't make it to your plate, you were out of luck. You were the one that got peanut butter, a piece of bread and some watered-down powdered milk.

Suddenly, as I was looking at those thousands of plastic forks, a light went on! I saved all of that plastic stuff because I was a good mom. No, I take that back. I was an AWESOME mom! I wanted to give my kids a fair shake at getting their portion of food. I'd lay out the plastic stuff, we'd always take the time to say a prayer of thanks, and then they'd grab their utensils and run for the food! See? I was helping them get a good start in the food line. I never wanted to run out of the necessary items! I wanted to give each kid equality in the food line!

Ahhh...I'm so glad to have solved that mystery today or that would have plagued me for years to come!

Love,
Clara , the very good mom
PS The truth of the matter is that my brain was so fried from having all of those kids that I forgot what I bought, and just kept on stashing the things I knew we'd need so I didn't have to separate kids from extra fist fights, hear any more outlandish crying, or see blood pouring out on the food because somebody didn't get a fork. Eh...any way you look at it, maybe I was an okay mom.

Anybody need some extra plastic stuff? I've got tons!

Do You See What I See?

2010-06-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

What do you see when strolling along the streets in South Side downtown Pittsburgh on a rainy day? Do you see the many different storefronts decorated in everything from 50's to modern day memorabilia? Do you see the cars jammed bumper to bumper on the streets? Do you see the faces of the people passing you by? Do you see the colors of the coats and hats that people are wearing? What do you see? I'll bet one thing. I'll bet you don't see what I see!

We are each so individual in our thoughts and levels of creativity that no two of us are alike. We are unique in our personalities and daily activities. Our likes and dislikes are often worlds apart. You like homemade ice cream on a snowy day to remind you of summertime. I like homemade soup to take away the chills of the winter. You like modern art. I like folk art. You like the ballet. I like the modern dance. See what I'm saying? All of these things add to what we see. We see what we like to see. We see what we're programmed to see. We see the things that we're used to seeing. Is that good or bad? Hmmm......let's see.

I'm what I call a universal see-er. I very rarely can tell you the details of anything. I know when the sky is blue, but I can't recall details like what kind of clouds that were in the sky, the shade of blue, the size of the clouds, if they were clustered, if there was a rainbow, or if the sky had streaks of blue or was solid blue. I can't tell you those details, but I can tell you how I feel when I see something.

Some people are detailed see-ers. (I think I just invented a new word!) They can tell you things such as the sky was aqua blue at noon, sea green blue at one, cobalt blue, cyan blue, steel blue, tiffany blue, and dark blue at the end of the day. They can tell you when the clouds appeared, what they were called, when they disappeared. They can even tell you the approximate size of the clouds in the sky on any given day! And, they no doubt can also tell you how seeing each of those details made them feel. Interesting stuff, isn't it?

What do you see? Do you see what I see? I took the picture in this blog of my son and daughter for the sole purpose of documenting our fun day spent in Pittsburgh. I wan't interested in any of the details at that moment other than capturing two of my children that I love in this photo. Now that I'm studying it more closely, though, I can see all kinds of details like the traffic light, the size of the pavement blocks, the kinds of cars people are driving, the color of the umbrella Alex is holding, the lawn chairs on the sidewalk, the manhole, and even the sprinkling of rain falling on the umbrella. WOW! There's no end to what I can see when I really look!

So, what's all of this mean? Well, do you see what I see? I sure hope not! You see what is meaningful and special to you just as I see what is meaningful and special to me. And, that is the beauty of life! We each have the ability to see a million and one different shades of a rose. We each have the gift of seeing countless levels of beauty in a piece of artwork. We each have the wonderful blessing of seeing unending details of love in the soul of a person. The possibilities of what we see in any one object, person, or event are never-ending!

Life is exciting! What we see each and every day is exciting! We should never find ourselves bored or feeling like a day has been wasted. Every day is a new and exciting package of miracles just waiting to be opened and viewed by me and you! Let's do it! Do you see what I see? Well, I do see one thing in this picture......I see a coat that I wish I had bought for myself rather than for Alex! I really like that color of blue!

Here's to seeing your day in a beautiful way! Don't allow one day to slip past you wtihout seeing the countless blessings given to us! Life is beautiful from any vantage point -- if only we take the time to see!

Love,

Clara

The Setting of the Sicilian Sun

2010-06-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I had the most terrific trip of a lifetime! I got to visit my homeland of Italy! While there, many nights were spent watching the sunset over the crystal blue sea, and what a magnificent sight that was! The sun shedding its bright rays of light over the water looked almost like what you'd describe as a heavenly scene. All that was lacking were the angels!

The sky turned from bright blue, to strawberry pink, to a blazing orange right before my very eyes. I stood with awe as I took in all of the beauty and began to imagine what was beyond the sunset. The land of Italy seemed so big while watching the sunset, yet I knew that in comparison to the world and all that lies beyond, it's only a tiny speck in this big, wide, wonderful universe. It's easy to get lost in this world and feel like we don't matter. It's so easy to feel as though we're only a tiny speck the size of an ant in a land that is bigger than our minds can imagine. And, yet..........

There, under the Sicilian sun was a boat gliding along the beautiful sea. I kept my eye on that boat for almost two hours as the sun took its time setting. The boat began it's slow journey in one corner of the water and gently swayed to and fro with the calm, white breakers. I assume the two people in the boat were fishing. Or, maybe they were two people who just decided to take out the boat on a warm spring evening to soak up the beauty of nature in a place where they would have none of the earthly distractions that seem to invade our over-burdened minds.

As I watched the boat and the sun drifting out beyond the sunset, I became a bit envious. I kept thinking about how lucky the people in the boat were to be in that particular spot out at sea watching the sun disappearing beyond the horizon. They were up close and personal with so much of nature, and I only had a bird's eye view standing on the sidelines.

Then, it dawned on me almost as if I got hit on the head with a brick! I have that very same opportunity as the boaters. In fact, I was enjoying that very same sunset! I had the same breathtaking view, the same lovely sky, the same warm beams of sunlight touching my face as those people in the boat. Why did I think my experience would be any less peaceful? Why did I think their view was any more beautiful?

Aren't we all like that sometimes? We don't see the beauty right in front of us because we're too busy watching other people and thinking that they have it so much better than we do! What an untruth! What a disservice we do to ourselves when we have little, pint-sized thinking! What a shame that we often miss out on the blessings of the moment because we're wistfully thinking that there's a better world beyond the sunset -- a world that we can't see.

I continued to click and shoot with my little little pocket Sony and got some of the most amazing photos ever! I watched the setting sun until there was no more sun to see. I kept my eyes on the floating boat as it continued on its journey even after the sun had quietly closed the curtains on this day. My heart felt full and complete and joyful as I discovered that my setting sun is available to me 365 days a year if I take the time to view it. I am surrounded by beauty, by nature, and by all of creation. It's a gift that has been freely given. All I am asked to do is take the time to enjoy it! And, enjoy it is exactly what I did!

Love,

Clara

PS I'd still like to see the setting sun boat side. Do I have any takers?

In Memory of Bijou, My Dog and My Best Friend!

2010-06-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

When visiting Brook Green Gardens in South Carolina I came across a tombstone that read, "In Memory of dear Bijou, who died at Magnolia Beach, Aged About 13 years." The tombstone is a marker in memory of a dog, man's best friend. This marker is large -- much, much larger than many people have, and it fascinated me that so much thought and money went into this memorial for a dog.

But, wait a minute! I sat under an old oak tree and thought about this for a minute. I've always had a dog. In fact, my earliest memory of myself as a kid is of me with Big Red, my German Shepherd who had a fascination for chasing our mailman all through the streets of Egg Harbor City while latched onto his tan pants leg! Gosh, how I loved Red!

I also loved Blackie, Midnight, Reuben, Raphael, Laddie, Lassie, Lady, Luigi, Furry, Spike, Missy, Batler, Bella, Poochie, and now my little furry Oscar. But, I never had a marker made for any of them, and now I wish that I had at least carved out an etching in a rock to leave as an everlasting memorial for each one of them for the love that they gave to me. I knew that I could count on them for a good morning kiss, a good night kiss, and lots of fun and playful times no matter what. The weather never mattered to them -- cold or hot they still loved me. My mood never altered their love for me. It didn't make a difference if I had a dime or a dollar in my pocket. They each loved me the same. In fact, I got showered with slobbery kisses, wagging tails, and lots of attention even when I wasn't very nice returning the same affection. Dogs have such amazing hearts. No wonder a dog has been rightly labeled as "man's best friend"!

I'm sure that's how it was with Bijou, too. Bijou's owner obviously had a deep love for him, so much so that a special gravesite was prepared and a big stone marker was engraved with words to remember the life of Bijou.

Did you ever think about what you want engraved forever on your marker? Did you ever give any thought as to how you want to be remembered? "She was a funny lady who never stopped talking! She had a cackle when she laughed that sounded like a rooster ready to go to slaughter. She was good at slamming cupboard doors right off the hinges when she got that hot Italian temper flaring! She never had a gray hair 'cause she colored every hair clear up until the day she died!"

Okay, how do I really want to be remembered? Just like the owner of Bijou remembered him. She was kind. She showered me with affection. She was a true and faithful friend. She loved her family. She loved God. She loved me through the thick and thin of life. She gave food out of her cupboards even when she didn't have it to give. And, best of all......"She died in the 'Ville aged about a hundred years." Gotta love Bijou's owner...."aged about 13 years." The years weren't the important part. The important part was that somebody cared enough to put thought, blood, sweat, and tears into remembering Bijou. Yes, I'd be mighty happy with that.....to be remembered with fondness and kindness that is as fitting as Bijou's!

Live with gusto! Live with laughter! Live for God! And, most of all live the way you want to be remembered! Your legacy counts! Who knows? You might even rate a tombstone in a garden surrounded by flowers and trees and everlasting love just like Bijou's!

Love,

Clara

PS The memories we leave behind come from the memories we make today. Live like a dog, and you'll get it right every time! They understand the unconditional love thing better than most humans!

My Parents Drugged Me!

2010-05-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

I came from a messed up family -- dysfunctional in so many ways by today's terms. And, to add insult to injury, I am now openly speaking about the days my parents introduced me to the word "drug" and they actually incorporated the "drugs" into my life at a very young age!

My childhood did not consist of methamphetamine, or crack, or even pot. But, I can tell you that I had some kind of "drug" put in my life most every day by my very own parents!

Can you believe I was drug to church every Sunday? I'm not just talking Sunday mornings, either! I was drug to Sunday night church, and Wednesday night bible study! I was drug to my elderly great-grandparents' home every Sunday after church, too, where I had to sit and be quiet and "show respect" to my elders.

You want me to go on? Well, even if you don't, I feel compelled to tell you how much they drugged me! I was drug to the kitchen sink every day, seven days a week, to wash the dishes. That was after I was drug to the chicken coop to milk the goats, water the horse, and gather the eggs from the hens. Oh, it doesn't stop there! Then, I was drug to the cellar after school where I learned how to clean, weigh, and grade eggs. Yep, you guessed it! I was drug to the front room in the cellar (which was sparkling clean, I might add) where I had to wait on the egg customers, be polite, and never take a dime for doing my work. "You do this because we're a family. We all help out. You need to learn from little up what it means to work to keep us together!"

I was drug to nursing homes, hospitals, and church plays to be a support and encouragement. I was drug to the homes of sick neighbors to help clean their houses and hang out their laundry on the clothesline. And, if I ever refused to do any of this, I would have been drug to the back bedroom where the wooden spoon was waiting, and it wasn't waiting to ladle out the homemade soup! My butt felt the spoon on more than one occasion!

I often complained about my parents when I was growing up. They were tough. They were no-nonsense. They were old-school. And, they put drugs in my veins that still affect the way I act today. I've never had a hit of cocaine, crack, or heroin. I've never visited a meth lab, nor do I want to. I have drugs running through my veins that are way stronger, and more addictive, than anything you could ever grow in a field or mix in a lab.

God bless my parents and all those like them who thought it was best, and right, and good to drug their kids with a reverence and respect for God and all of His creation. I can only pray that I gave my own kids enough drugs to carry them through a lifetime, too!

Love and prayers,

Clara / Mom

A Penny for Your Thoughts

2010-05-21T15:28:00.001-07:00

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered just what was going through his mind? More importantly, have you ever talked to your kids and wondered just what made them tick? What were they thinking when they escaped from the house in the middle of the night and rode their bikes ten miles into town? What were they thinking when they lit a match to see if the carpet would really burn? What was going on in their minds when they decided to take off their clothes, climb on the hot shingled roof and suntan their bare bottoms? WOW! I'd love to have had a penny for their thoughts back then!

In reflecting back over my own life, I'm sure people have said that about me, too. What was she thinking when she drove her little VW bug all the way to Oklahoma from New Jersey without knowing where she'd stay, without a job, and without a friend in the entire state? What was going on in her mind when she allowed her ten-year-old daughter to watch the other 7 kids "for just a few minutes" while she drove uptown to pick up some medicine for the sick kids? What in the world was she thinking when she allowed her 16-year-old and 15-year-old to drive three fourths of the way across the country just a few weeks after getting a driver's license? I probably would have made people quite wealthy if they had had a penny for my thoughts during those times in my life!

Most of the time, we don't have a clue what is really going on in the minds of others. Oh, we think we do! We take psychology courses that teach us how to analyze. We can study human behavior and think we know the next step a person is going to take based on previous thoughts and actions. But, do we really, really know? No way! Our thoughts are often a million miles away from what others think goes on in our minds.

Except. Except when we become a true follower and believer in God. "His ways are my ways. His thoughts are my thoughts." We can place that penny on the dime knowing that a believer in God has mostly pure and godly thoughts. We can flip that coin and know that it's going to be "heaven up" when that person is filled with the Spirit of God. We can be certain that a penny is a penny and it remains true to that when we are talking to a mature child of the Father. There is no mistaken thought identity when a person is feasting on the words of God.

Why do we do what we do when we're kids? Why do we make strange and odd choices? Why does our brain seem to malfunction when we're still experiencing growing pains? Why do we go kind of bonkers in our thinking when under stress? We know those answers! When we're young our thinking needs time and experiences in order to mature. We can't reason things out, so we make crazy and wild choices at times based on our childish thoughts. But, as we mature and learn that our thoughts turn into actions and we desire our actions to be good, wise, and godly, then we can channel our thoughts through the brain and sift out the dirt and keep the gold. Ahh.....now it's beginning to make sense!

Don't get all bent out of shape trying to figure out what people are thinking about all of the time because you're never, ever going to get it all right. Only God knows the contents of the heart and mind. But, I'll bet you a penny or two that we can know that the overall thoughts of a person who knows God are kind and loving. Peaceful and gentle. Patient and kind. And, above all full of love! How do I know? Because our actions are a direct result of our thoughts! What we think about we become, and that's a godly teaching!

What am I thinking right now? Do you really want to know? Okay. Alright. I won't keep you guessing any longer! I'm thinking I'm hungry and some pizza would taste mighty fine right about now!

Love,
Clara
PS You're right on the money about what I wrote. All of the examples I used in this blog are true. And, I can tell you from experience, raising eleven (11) kids, very seldom was I right about their thoughts when they were little, but I sure can see the fruits of their thoughts now that they're older. I can see the beauty of God interwoven in their thoughts and actions and it's a beautiful, awesome sight! I'm continueally stacking those pennies up every day!

Let Me Tell You 'bout the Birds and the Bees

2010-05-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

When I planted this flower in my garden, I had no idea that its name was "Bee Balm" nor did I know that aside from the obvious visual beauty of this gorgeous flower it attracts birds and bees.

Immediately, upon hearing that, I remembered the song "let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees and a thing called love'', and then I chuckled out loud. And, then I sat and reflected about how much life has changed in the arena of the birds and the bees and the story of intimacy and sex since I was a kid.

For one thing, when I was growing up, the word "sex" was never used! Never, ever, ever did I hear that word in my home, and I only heard it in school when used in reference to "being dirty." I can almost see today's kids rolling their eyes at this one. I know my kids sure do give the eye roll when I talk about my days of growing up!

I honestly and truly didn't find out about "the birds and the bees" until I was in 8th or 9th grade and the details were pretty sketchy because I had to sneak a peek in Webster's Dictionary and the only photos I could find weren't very graphic at all. I promise you that nobody talked about sex back then! Yes, I know that people did the birds and bees thing, but they didn't talk about it!

I was about 16 when my mother had "the talk" with me, and it consisted of "Watch what you're doing when you go on dates because you could end up pregnant." YIKES! Some education, huh? I didn't have a clue. And, there really wasn't anybody to ask because everybody's lips were sealed on this topic. It was something you talked about when girls got engaged, I guess. Okay, I'm sure there was some talk about it before getting engaged, but it sure wasn't like today! We blushed, we did a silly giggle, we got embarrassed, and we definitely thought we were getting away with murder if we whispered the word "sex" when we were in a group talking as highschoolers.

My kids grew up in an entirely different era, and as a parent, I've watched things move from the story of "the birds and the bees" to today's times of ads on TV for condoms, sex toys, and advertisements for websites that can introduce you to a sexual playmate. Quite a distance from the days of the "Bee Balm" plant!

Good or bad, this is the time in which we live, and I believe today's times carry an even greater responsibility on parents to have "the talk" with their kids than ever before! And, hopefully your talk will be a little more detailed and bit more God-centered than the one my poor mom gave to me. The story of love and making love (God's way) is beautiful and sincere and pure and perfect! And, it's a story that every child needs to hear!

As I was checking out the old "Bee Balm" plants, I thought, "Why not? What would be so wrong with going back to the basics of explaining how God designed things to be for husbands and wives? What would be so wrong with using the example of how bees carry and deposit pollen and then the plants blossom and grow? Why not use God's beautiful creations to explain His most wonderful design for love? Would today's kids grasp it? Or would they make fun?"

Today's kids would not only grasp it, but they would delight in it, I'm sure. And, they need to hear the story of love and sex as told from a godly perspective! We all love hearing the truth. We each have a place in our heart for purity and beauty. And, there's nothing that

draws kids closer to their parents than to hear them speak about God's plan for their lives.

Go for it! Buy a few Bee Balm plants, wait for the birds and the bees to arrive, and talk on! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Love,

Clara

PS How did I explain love, sex, and God's design for marriage to my kids? I'm sure you're dying to know. Okay. Okay, I confess. I didn't do so well. I bought a book that had little naked cartoonish stick figures and gave it to them to read. I still have the book, and it will be a conversation piece for time evermore!

There's a Little Mask in All of Us!

2010-05-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

One of my most fun times of the year comes in the month of October. Not only do I love the pumpkins, and cornstalks, and the crisp fall air, but I love the parties that are associated with fall harvest, trunk-or-treating, trick-or-treating, or whatever else you want to call it.

As I kid, I can remember loving to dress up in a costume, put on a mask, and go try to fool all of my relatives and neighbors. I always thought I got them good, and sometimes I probably did! Some of my costumes were pretty awesome if I do say so myself!

This fun tradition has carried on into my adult years, and I still love putting on a costume and a funny (or sometimes scary) mask and trying to fool people. I used to spend hours planning who I would be when I disguised myself and when and where I would appear in order to trick my kids when they were little. Oh, how much fun that was!!!!

One night I can remember dressing in a black top coat, dark gray scarf, work boots, ragged jeans, work gloves, an old farmer's hat, and a crazy wig. The final touch was the mask. Ahhh...it was a killer of a good one! Mean and nasty looking! Frightful! I looked in the mirror and about came out of my own skin. I looked nasty!

My heart was thumping faster and faster as I sat on the chair in Steph and Alex's bedroom in the dark waiting for them to come to their bedroom. I wasn't going to say anything. The plan was to sit on that chair in the dark, and then have them discover me when they turned on the bedroom light. (I know....I have a warped sense of humor, but it only happens once a year!)

I could hear their steps coming closer to the bedroom. I sat in the chair good and straight hardly breathing. They were chatting girl talk as they opened the bedroom door and turned on the light! WOW!!!!!!!!!! I have never heard such screams in all of my life! HELP! PLEASE, HELP! SOMEBODY'S IN MY BEDROOM!!!! SOME STRANGER IS IN MY ROOM!!!

Now, do you want to know their real reaction? They turned on the light, took a slight step back, stared real good, then said, "Real funny, Mom. We knew it was you sitting there. Nobody else would be that dumb. You didn't scare us one little bit. And, take off that mask while you're at it."

All of that work for nothing. I tried to disguise myself real good, and they still knew it was me! Isn't that how it is in real life, though? We put on masks of all kinds. We put on our "church mask", our "everything's fine mask", our "happy, smiley face mask". You know what I'm talking about. We pretend. We hide behind the masks and act like we're somebody different. We think we're fooling others, when in fact, we're not even fooling ourseves. We know our hurts, pains, and struggles. We know our temptations, anger, and jealousy. We can't hide things like that behind a silly, old mask!

What's all this mean? No matter how hard we try to hide who we are behind a mask, we're going to be found out, so we might as well be ourselves right from the start -- dimples, pimples, simples, and all! If God loves us just as we are, then why should we try to be anything but who we are? We're a work in progress, and there's not a mask that can be made that can hide the heart and soul of a person! If we're good enough for God, then we're good enough!

Love,

Clara

PS The fright night didn't work on my girls, but the boys......they never made it to the bathroom! Oh, was that fun!

The Duck Tail -- You Gotta Love the 50's!

2010-05-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

My kids think it's so funny when I tell them stories about "my times" of growing up. It's definitely a hoot for me to think back to how different things were back in the day.

So, let's talk for a minute about the duck tail hair cuts. I can remember standing on the playground of Hammonton High School in New Jersey swooning over Frankie Avalon as he would walk on by the chain-link fence and talk to us. Okay, maybe he didn't always talk, but he did wave at us as we girls gripped the fence in hopes that Frankie would walk over and touch one of our hands. No, trust me, he never touched mine. If he had, I would never have washed my hand again!

Frankie had a duck tail which was the absolute most studly fashion statement for guys' hair in the 5o's. This awesome style was the dream-child of barber Joe Cirella (Italian, I'm sure) and this fashion became the craze when television and movie stars began waltzing the streets with their ducktails, also known as the Duck's Butt, or the D.A., but we'll keep it polite here and stick with ducktail. You can actually look at the tail of a duck and see how Barber Cirella came up with this idea!

I remember my father ranting and raving about how awful that was! He had plenty to say about the ducktails! Truth-be-known, if he hadn't been in his 30's at the time or had a head of kinky waves that wouldn't comb straight, he would have strutted a duck tail, too.

What's all this have to do with us today? I guess I just think fashion raves are just that.....they come and go like the waves of the sea, and sometimes we get so hung up on what people wear, how they style their hair, or better yet, what color they put in their hair, that often we miss out on the heart of the person.

Ducktails in the 50's. The disco punk in the 60's and 70's. Long hair for guys. Short spikes for girls. Vice versa. Who cares? What really matters is what the person is made up of on the inside. The outside is nothing more than a signature fashion statement of the era in which we live. It's been that way for time evermore, and fashion statements will continue to change like the tide until the end of time.

I'm sure you're wondering if I had a ducktail? No way! That was for the guys. Me? Beehive all the way!

Love,

Clara

PS I sure do wish the ducktail would come back, guys! Why don't you work on that?

Inside Every Peanut There's a Man!

2010-05-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

As a kid, I can remember many hours spent finding the "Peanut Man" inside of every peanut that I opened. If you haven't tried doing that, you should! You can see the shape of the man's face, his top hat, his moustache, and his long beard. You can even see Mr. Peanut Man's eyes looking right at you! And, the fun part is that no two peanut men are exactly the same!

Most of us have probably never looked for the man in the peanut, though. We dig through the bag, shell the peanuts, gobble them down, and then we're done, often hardly even taking the time to savor the lingering taste of the peanut. (Can you tell I'm a fan of peanuts?)

Isn't that how it is in life most of the time? In the course of a week, we come in contact with so many different people, we say a quick "hi", and exchange of few words, then go on our way never even savoring the flavor of the individual much less taking the time to look for the man inside each person!

Life is too wonderful to allow it to pass us by unnoticed! We do it with people in general, with our friends, and many times we even do this with our close family members including our children. We just gulp down the "mundane stuff of the day" without taking time to look at the individual man inside of each flavorful peanut. We busy ourselves with the menial tasks of everyday living, and carelessly toss aside the meatier parts of life, including spending enough time with one another to really get to know the heart and what makes each of us tick.

Who are the peanuts in your life? Your co-workers? Your aunts, uncles, and cousins? Your friends at school? Your mate? Your children? Your grandchildren? Do you take the time to really see them for who they are? Do you make the time to enjoy their individuality? Do you look for the things that make them uniquely and wonderfully different? It's FUN getting to know people, especially those close to us, on a more personal level. Everybody has something special, something unique, to add to the beauty of the day, but we must take the time to look for it!

Inside of every peanut there's a man just waiting to be discovered! There's a wonderful personality, a terrific brain, a flavorful side, and a uniqueness that was meant to be discovered.

Why not try something different today? Why not spend enough time with those you come in contact with to find the peanut inside the man? I have a feeling you're going to be happily surprised at all of the neat faces you'll find!

Love,

Clara

PS For those of you who are allergic to peanuts, keep in mind there are all kinds of other nuts in this world just waiting to be discovered!

The Bible Totin' Kid from Nashville

2010-05-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Every now and then something strikes a chord in your heart that plays a song that you'll remember forever. That's just how it was on my most recent trip to Nashville to visit family.

We were gathered in the livingroom saying our final goodbyes when my two-year-old grandson entered the room with all smiles. He was dressed up in his Sunday best and ready to go to church! He was happy from the inside out and you could tell. His eyes sparkled, there was dancing in his steps, and he clutched ever-so-proudly to his very own Bible! Yes, you heard me......he has his very own Bible at the age of two! Name inscribed on the Bible, too!

I captured a picture, not just because I think he is cute as all dickens, but because that was a sight precious to my heart. My son and his wife are teaching their children from little up the absolute JOY of knowing God! Going to church isn't a drudgery. It wasn't a sacrifice to get up early, get all dressed up in church clothes (when sunshine and a swimming pool were calling to them outside of the dining room window). It wasn't a hardship to carry that Bible around, nor was it an embarrassment. He was proud to be going to church! He was so happy to show me his name written on the front cover of his very own Bible! He was full of joy, and for all of the right reasons! God is love! God is our Father. God is our Redeember. God is our Everything!

In this hurried world of ours, we sometimes allow "things" to get in the way of way of the meatier parts of life -- those things of lasting significance. And, we often drift far, far away from what is of eternal value. We get sucked into the temporary fun stuff of life, and forget that we can have absolute fun while we're being totally in love with our heavenly Father. Joy and God are synonymous....they are not enemies of one another.

This photo of Zach is etched in my mind and burned on my heart forever. May we always strive for that child-like love of God! May we never be ashamed of calling God our Father! May we display our Bible in our hands, hearts, and homes with the same joy of this little one who so innocently said, "Gram, look! MY Bible!"

By giving our children the words of God, we are giving them the map to an eternity spent in heaven, as well as the guide for all of life while on earth. There will be hard troubles that smash into our lives. There will undoubtedly be difficult challenges that test us to the very core of our being. But, if we cling tightly and proudly to the words found in that Bible, there will be nothing that will ever pull us away from our God, our Father, and our Saviour!

Who knows what lies in store for this little two-year-old Bible totin' kid from Nashville! Maybe he will be the next voice that God uses to tell the world of His love. And, to think it all began with a little tan Bible in the hands of a very young boy from the hills of Tennessee!

Love,

Clara Hinton

There's More to Ice Cream Than Meets the Eye!

2010-05-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I love ice cream! I mean I really love ice cream, and apparently so do a lot of people! Give me the plain flavors like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, and I'll get wowed! Give me the totally scrumptious flavors like almond peanut butter or black cherry and vanilla bean and I'll jump up and down with craziness!

For a lot of us, ice cream is a much more than just frozen milk, cream, and some flavoring. Ice cream is reason for getting together. Ice cream always is present at a party. Ice cream is something that cools us down on a hot, summery day. Ice cream is that stuff that gets all gooey on the faces of little ones and makes us look at the children with delight and say, "Oh, my word! Look how cute!" Ice cream is a great way to make memories!

Last weekend, I had the most wonderful Mother's Day ever! I got to visit with family in the grand city of Nashville, Tennessee! Granted, I love the city, and it's an awesome place to visit, BUT the city would not be what it is to me if I didn't have loved ones living there! I got to spend precious moments with some of my children and my grandchildren! And, guess what helped give us some of our most cherished moments of our time together? Ice cream!!!!!

We laughed, we talked, and ate all kinds of flavors of ice cream. The kids had ice cream all over their faces, on their shirts, on the tables and chairs, and nobody seemed to care. The "ice cream social" was too good for words!

We all need those "ice cream moments" when we can get together and just let our hair down and enjoy life. Those times when we forget we have any cares in this world, and we fall into the "I love life more than anything" mode. Those times when all we care to do is laugh and play and enjoy the moment.

If you've noticed the date of this blog, you'll know that my visit to Nashville was directly following the flood that did billions of dollars of damage in that fair city, as well as claimed lives of some very precious people. You might ask how we could take a break away from the heavy pain of this time of sorrow to eat ice cream and laugh. We did it because that is often how we deal with the deep sorrows of life -- we take some necessary small breaks away from the pain in order to recharge our batteries. We take mini grief breaks to give ourselves time to replenish and refuel.

The Nashville people were doing just that, too! Many were out last weekend talking, laughing, and enjoying some ice cream. They weren't disrespectful. They weren't forgetting the massive clean-up about to begin in the city. They weren't making light of the pain. They were simply getting energized for the work that lies ahead.

What's your pain today? More importantly, what's your plan for survival? Do you have an "ice cream social" planned? Maybe a "chocoate chip cookie fest" ? Or how about a movie-marathon? What is it that recharges you? What fills up your tank when it is running on low? Whatever it is, then do it today! It's a matter of survival!

Love,

Clara Hinton

Making Amends after Mom is Gone

2010-05-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

Since Mother's Day is coming up, and the original use of this blog was for "healing", I decided to take a brief break away from talking about the Italy trip, and post some of my thoughts on how to make amends with your mother after she is gone (if, of course, there is a need to make any amends.)

Making Amends after Mom is Gone

Mother's Day has been one of the most difficult days of my life for two reasons. Twenty-two years ago I was carrying a 28-week-old son who died in my uterus. I knew he was no longer alive, but my doctor felt it was best for me to wait for spontaneous labor to begin, so.....while I waiting for these two longest weeks of my life to pass, Mother's Day arrived. I wept, I sorrowed, I grieved, and I wailed to God for allowing this to happen. The Thursday following Mother's Day, I delivered my baby boy who was forever still.

The Mother's Day before the loss of my son, I did something that was so out of character for me that I still cannot believe I did it. I totally ignored my mother on Mother's Day, and I did it knowing that I would hurt her deeply. I was angry with her for her alcohol problem. I was angry with her for destroying her health. I was just plain angry with her! Mostly, I was angry with her for not being the mother I thought she should be, so I foolishly and selfishly made the decision to withhold love from my mother on that particular Mother's Day. I've never been the same since.

Life never gives us everything we want or everything we think we need. My mother had problems dealing with depression. She had serious physical illnesses. And, to top it all off, she was a full-blown alcoholic shedding her misery on others every day of her life. And, I wasn't happy at all about that. "Why", I asked myself, "should I buy her a card filled with flattery and tell her things that weren't true?" "Why should I shower my mother with love when she would probably be far too drunk to even know that I tried to show her that I cared?"

Mom asked for a simple gift that year. She wanted a lawn chair -- the inexpensive kind that can be folded and carried any place in the yard. She wanted a $10 lawn chair, and I wouldn't give her that as a gift because I didn't feel she deserved it. Talk about having the wrong understanding of love!!! I didn't acknowledge her at all on Mother's Day, and forgiving myself has been a long, difficult, tear-filled journey.

Little did I know that my mother would never again see another Mother's Day. She died 10 months later from complications of the liver brought on by her constant drinking.

God, in His mercy, allowed me to hold my mother's hand as she drew her final breath, yet I never spoke the words I wanted to say to her. I never said, "Mom, I love you so much and I'm so ashamed of myself for not thanking you for giving me life, for taking care of me when it was so hard for you to even take care of yourself, and mostly of all thank you for pointing me to God." Instead, I pulled inward and kept that wall between us as she breavely took her final breath. My mother was gone, and I was left with only guilt. Guilt for not being being the daughter I should have been to my mother. Guilt for not acknowledging my mother on her final Mother's Day on earth. Guilt for not getting her that lawn chair that would have been so easy for me to give to her as a gift.

I have had lots of time to repent, and it has taken me years to finally feel the heavy weight of guilt removed from my heart. I learned an eternal lesson that I want to share with you on this Mother's Day and every Mother's Day to come. Please don't ever deny your mother the gift of love even if you think she doesn't deserve it. You have been given one mother, and it is both an honor and a privilege to show your mother that you care -- even if that love is never reciprocated. Every mother deserves to be hugged, loved, and treated special, and most especially on the day set aside for honoring mothers -- Mother's Day.

I miss my mother, and I have wished thousands of times over that I could tell her what I feel in my heart. I have visited her gravesite and talked with her there. I have written her letters and asked for her forgiveness. I have even bought her a lawn chair! In fact, every year since the death of my mother, I buy one lawn chair and give that chair to someone who might enjoy just sitting in the sunshine for a while.

Life without mother on Mother's Day is often empty and hollow. Add guilt to that, and it is horrible. Why not do something to remove that awful burden of guilt if you are feeling the same as I did? Do something special for your mother today! Don't delay. You don't have to have a special day or a special reason. Just do it! And, if your mother is no longer here, you can easily find another mother who just might need an extra hug, a smile, an "I love you" and maybe even a lawn chair!

Love,

Clara Hinton

Nine Hours and Twenty Three Minutes to Italy!

2010-04-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

March 1 - March 2, 2010 - The Italy Trip

What do you think about when you are only nine hours and twenty three minutes away from seeing your lifetime dream fulfilled? Do you plan out what your reaction will be when you reach your destination? Do you try to imagine the sights, sounds, and tastes of your dream-come-true? Does your mind suddenly get flooded with questions? Or, do you remain calm and just take in each moment and savor those moments with every single breath you take?

Well, sit back and relax while I share with you just what I did when about to see my dream turn into reality.....

1) The first thing I did was to get situated right by the window seat on the plane because I was not about to miss even one second of the take-off for Italy, nor the landing in Rome, or anything in-between. Thank you, Chris, for giving me the window seat! I appreciate that more than you'll ever know!

2) I wrapped myself in a wool blanket so that I would stay warm for the next nine hours. (I'm an Italian granny, and this is what old people do!)

3) And, finally.....I tried to relax, but instead.........I went blank. Totally, completely, undeniably blank! My mind left me. It completely, "for real" left me!

So, I began to panic. I slapped the side of my face. I snapped my fingers. I kept pushing my feet hard against the floor of the plane until my toes went numb in my shoes. I pulled out the mirror in my purse and looked at my reflection to see if I had spinach stuck in my teeth. I combed my hair. I drank some water. And, I got up close and personal to Chris and stared at him ony to have him turn his face away from me as if to say, "You have got to be kidding me! She finally did it. She went toally nuts on me!"

Sorry, Chris, but I had to do something to make sure this trip was real. I honestly thought maybe -- just maybe -- I had died and was somehow being allowed to see Italy as a dream from heaven. Or, maybe I was in a hursing home, and all of my kids posted pictures of the passport, the airport, the plane, and signs that said "Italy" so that I would think, in my senility, that I was on my way to Rome. IT WASN'T REAL!!! But, then again, maybe it was! Maybe this was truly happening to me!

The attendants on the plane spoke only Italian, so you know how good I did with that. I whispered to Chris several times that I didn't understand one word of what was being said (although I sure did love hearing Italian being spoken), but he just looked straight ahead with eyes closed and headphones on. He was like a statue and he refused to turn his head to acknowledge me. He didn't blink. He sat frozen....face straight ahead, ears plugged, eyes closed.

Note to all parents: When your kids put on headphones, it's not because they're really listening to music. They're just tuning you out. And, when they close their eyes, they're not at all sleeping. They're totally ignoring you. So, don't even waste your time trying to talk to them. It never works. They just continue this routine until you finally go away.

Continuing on....after about the 4th hour into the flight, I knew I had to use the bathroom or it was not going to be pretty in our little seating area. But, my fake-sleeping son wasn't about to open his eyes to let me out of my seat, so I did what any mother would do in an emergency situation. I stood up and gave him a gentle, but firm, motherly push. And, in response, he gave me back a look that said, "Make it quick, lady, because I am not in any kind of mood to play games!"

Another note: Don't always take things at face value. Little did I know until several days later why Chris was so crabby with me when I wanted to go to the bathroom. He had been knocked around, bumped into, and shoved all night long by people shuffling back and forth to the bathroom. He had the aisle seat, remember? And, worst of all, "Barney"nailed him hard every single time she passed by! Nope, I'm not telling you any more. You'll just have to read what Chris has to say about that!

After the bathroom break, I finally concluded that this entire adventure must be for real. Angels don't have to pee, so I absolutely had to be alive. And, to build up an even stronger case for reality, if I was in a nursing home, I'd be wearing a diaper and wouldn't have to use the bathroom. This was it! I was half-way to Italy! This is for real, and there were only a few more hours to go!

I managed to fiddle around with the little monitor in front of me long enough to figure out how to turn it to display the flight map. We wer over Madrid....and getting closer and closer to Italy. We had been flying all night, and it was soon to be "sunrise over Italy." I pressed my face to the window and gasped with excitement! Yes, I took out my trusty Sony Cybershot and snapped some pics of the sunrise! Breathtaking! Gorgeous! Magnificent! Miraculous! I T A L Y!!!

In all honesty, I don't remember much more about the plane ride except what I've shared with you. I didn't do much journaling on the plane, as I was far too excited about the entire experience. I do know that the sunrise was nothing short of majestic. The puffy clouds were amazing. The streaks of red in the sky reminded me of the sun rising above the ocean on a perfect kind of day. The snow-capped mountains took my breath away. WOW! This was already far more than I'd imagined! I have no idea how the hours managed to tick by so quickly, but they did, and now we were hearing the announcement I'd been waiting to hear for over five decades. "Welcome to Italia!!!"

What's next? Well, let's just say that airports aren't all they're cracked up to be -- not when you realize that you're the only English speaking person among thousands! And, there is no real feeling of "safety while in a foreign land" when you are relying on a son who not only cannot understand a word of Italian, but who is sporting a rattail, a front fanny pack, and who uses a green shoe lace for his luggage carrier. Yep, more adventures are coming!

With love and tons of excitement,

Clara

Sleep? Nobody Needs Sleep when in Italy!

2010-03-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

For those who have been traveling along with me on this journey from the US to Italy through my jouranl, let's pick up where we left off....at the airport where when Chris and I landed after traveling 4,408 miles and 9 hours 23 minutes to reach a life-long dream!

WOW! WOW! WOW! Italy! Italia! Italians! Beautiful people! Beautiful language! Pinch me. Is it real? It's funny how your body and mind seem to work in high gear and run in overtime when you're having fun! There is no way under the sun that I was about to feel tired. Not now, and not for a long time to come! Just walking through the airport in Italy was an adventure, and I didn't intend to miss one second of it!

Chris and I realized within seconds that we might be up against a bit of a "problemo" since neither one of up spoke Italian. Let's just say that the Italians made it very clear.....THEY were not the foreigners. We were, and it was our responsiblility to speak to them!

NOTE: When travling in a foreign country, bring along an interpreter, a dictionary with translations OR get really smart and study the language so that you can get directions, ask where the bathroom is located, and order your food!

Chris has a way with women, and he soon met "Anna", pronounced Ahhhhhna. She was drop-dead gorgeous, and she could also speak enough English to help us get pointed into the direction of a bus to Rome. Yep! Off to Rome after no sleep for twenty-four plus hours! Our plans were to tour a bit of Rome, get some great Italian food, then get back on a bus that was headed in the opposite direction, travel for three more hours, and meet up with our friends from the States, who are now living part-time in Italy.

My journal is as mixed up as I was at this point. Nothing was done in order. Nothing was planned, and we didn't care! We soaked up everything like sponges! The beauty of the buildings. The gorgeous blue sky. The long stretch of seamless highway. The miniature cars. The fast motorcycles. The scooters with lady drivers. The speeding trains. I'll say it again -- and all of the beautiful people! Italy was already proving to be an amazing place!

When the bus stopped in Rome, the very first thing we did was hit up a place for food! Authentic Italian food!

Three observations and then I'll close this chapter of the trip for today:

1) Never once did I reach inside my purse for my cell phone. When in the states, I couldn't go five minutes without calling or texting someone. What does this mean? Nothing philosophical, really. I knew my phone wouldn't work in Italy, so I didn't even try! *insert a big funny smile!*

2) I finally realized that my number 5 child, my son Chris, was a bit crazy. He is fearless. He walked up to any and every stranger on the street and gave a nod of the head and a bit of a side-kick dance with his tennis shoes and bright, neon green shoe laces. He also spoke words that he thought were Italian, but were really made up words. Chris, I knew you were faking it all along!

3) Chris is certifiably the most giving, caring person in the world to take, of all people, HIS MOTHER, on a trip to Italy! I could tell it was a stretch for him at times (okay, it was a stretch the entire trip), but HE DID IT! HE TOOK HIS MOM TO ITALY, and for that I will be forever greatful!

Chris, I can even *almost* get over the fact that you were sporting a rat tail and that golly-awful front fanny pack!

More tomorrow.......stay tuned for the ride to Petriotoli to meet up with our friends in Italy! That is where the true "Adventures in Italy" began!

Love,

Clara

Dulles Airport to Rome, Italy - but Hot Tea First!

2010-03-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

C'mon and get ready for another adventure or two as you follow the traveling mother and son duo to Italy!

Monday, March 1, 2010 - 3:00 p.m.

Believe it or not, the half-hour flight from Pittsburgh to Washington was uneventful. In fact, I didn't even make a journal entry about that part of the trip. However, that all changed once we landed in Dulles Airport!

We had a few hours to kill before the final boarding for Italy, so Chris and I decided to get a quick snack to eat and then we would do our final money exchange. Okay, for me it was the only money exchange. Ever since Chris told me about this trip I had fussed and worried over the money. I told him I had a secret stash of cash saved for this trip, but I needed to know how much to bring along. Now, for me a "stash of cash" is an amount of coins that will fit loosely into a small coffee can. For Chris, a "stash" is...well, slightly more.

He kept telling me that I didn't need to worry about the money part, but I'm a mom and I wanted to pay for at least part of my way on this trip. So, I spotted "The Money Exchange" in the airport, and off I dragged Chris to help me get this task completed. I boldly stood up to the window and counted out my one dollar bills (I think I drove the teller crazy, and I know I drove Chris even MORE crazy). Yay! I now had "Euros" of my own to spend! I could treat Chris to meals, and I could buy some gifts. I could even help pay for gelato! Until this very moment, I didn't even know what the money exchange for Europe/Italy was called! Obviously, I had not met Rick Steves yet. (Do you remember him from a previous blog entry?)

Note: It's a super wonderful thing when your kids back off from showing you that you really are dumb! Even though you know that they know, when they don't tell you to your face it's greatly appreciated. Chris, thanks for allowing me the dignity of feeling like I was paying for some of this trip. I needed that! I really, really needed that! Thank you for allowing me to feel like I was contributing my part even though we both know that I wasn't.

Chris followed me to the window for the remaining "extra Euros" he was going to bring to Italy, and like a pro, he flashed that fanny belt of his to the teller, whipped out his plastic card, and said......"Cash it in!" We were set to go! The money exchange was completed. Look out Italy! Here we come!

We had another hour left to wait for boarding, so we went to our gate, and I was fidgety so I stood up and watched other planes taking off and landing. Chris was content doing the same until five minutes before time to board. No, I take that back....the call for boarding had been made. "Section 1 -- time to board!" We were in Section 2 which meant we were next!

What did Chris do right at that very moment? He looked at me and said, "You go ahead and board. I'm going to look for a place that sells hot tea." WHAT?!?!?! "We're boarding -- right now! You cannot leave here! We are boarding!" "Yes, I sure can leave! I want some hot tea, and there's no rush with the boarding. They'll be a good half hour boarding this plane." And, with that, off he went!

My stomach felt sick. Why does he have to do these things? Is it fun to see the color drain from my face? Is it a kind of game to play to see how long it takes to bring on the "big one"? He didn't need hot tea any more than I needed to meet the man in the moon. He wanted to make a momentous impact on me by missing the plane! I could see it in his face. This was all part of the plan. He'd call the other kids and tell them the trip was off because I went crazy on him right before the plane was ready to take off.

Now, this is where a lot of my family will be saying, "She's doing it again. She's exaggerating. She's fabricating a story. That really didn't happen the way mom is telling it." Kids, listen up! It DID happen, and it got worse!

The plane to Rome boarded..........and I continued to stand "alone" by the gate and I continued to text Chris. "Where are you?" "Please answer me!" "Everyone is on the plane but the two of us." "Please don't do this, Chris!"

Nothing. No answer. No Chris. So, I looked at the lady at the desk by the gate and explained, "My son and I belong on this plane that is going to Rome, but my son.....my son went to get some hot tea, and I can't find him." "Ma'am, I strongly suggest you get on that plane now because in exactly two minutes the doors will be shut, and that plane is taking off."

No time or energy to cry. My hands were trembling as I began another text. Darn him! I know he has his phone on. Where is he? I'm gonna kill him when I see him!!! That's when the text came through. "I got my tea. Got a bit side-tracked looking at the chicks. Am on my way."

I looked up to see Chris slowly walking along with that darned Rat Tail, his cup of tea, and his phone in his hand. And, he was laughing! He thought the entire incident was funny! He really, really did!

Another Note: All kids work very diligently to make their parents sweat blood, and most of them succeed more than once. And, for those wondering....yes, Chris was a success! I'm still very much in recovery!

We ran to the door of the plane, showed our boarding passes and passports, and the door was successfully slammed shut. This was it! Nine hours and twenty three minutes in flight. There were no more escape routes for Chris. The two of us, mother and son, on a large jumbo jet filled to capacity with people headed for Rome. Thank you, dear God! We made it this far!

There's no turning back now. The dream...... the life-long dream is finally going to happen!!!! Italy, I can almost touch you!

Off to Italy! - Pittsburgh International Airport

2010-03-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

Let's continue along on this journey to Italy.......

Monday, March 1, 2010 - 11:30 a.m.

Pleskin (a friend of Chris') dropped us off at the airport in Pittsburgh to catch our first leg of the trip -- a short 30 minute flight to Dulles Airport in Washington, D.C. Nothing could go wrong at this point, right? We did a double and triple check to make sure that we had everything before leaving, so I felt more calm now than I had felt in the past two days.

"Should we check in at the kiosk?" I thought that was a fairly intelligent question coming from me. Chris looked at me with that, "You've got to be kidding!" look. I hate that because I feel like a mom asking her kid what to do. Kids are always supposed to ask their parents what to do! "No, we're going to the ticket counter because we have bags to check in, remember?" Whatever. I guess he's the man in charge at this point. I'm just happy that I'm on my way to Italy, and I'll be even happier when I get that boarding pass in my hands!!!

Off to wait in the line......I can still feel how hard my heart was pounding at that moment. Would I get to show my passport now? A passport!!! I still couldn't believe it. "Step up to the counter, please. Where are you heading, and how many bags do you have to check? May I see your passports?" It's REAL!!!!!

"Place your driver's license into the kiosk and it will print out your boarding passes, sir." No problem with that. Chris slid that driver's license of his right into the slot, and then it happened. ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! Umm........please don't tell me we didn't really get booked. No....nothing can go wrong at this point! There is absolutely nothing that is going to go wrong!

"Sir, let's try again. For some reason this is not reading your information. Where are you headed? Rome? What is the time of your flight?"

With that, a slow smile (kind of the "Hey dorks. You gotta be kidding me. You're flying to Rome?" type of look) came over the face of the person behind the counter. "You have made a slight mistake, sir. You've booked your flight with a different airline. We'd love to have you fly with us, but......not this time. Please take your baggage and clear the way for those who are boarding with our airline. You need to find your airline which is located on the opposite side and at the far end of this floor."

Now who was the one who was going to be flustered? I loved it!!!! It wasn't me who made this mix-up happen. It was Chris! But, did he care? Heck no! He stepped out of line, sat down his luggage in the middle of the ticket area, and said, "It's hot in this place and I forgot to put on my deodorant this morning. I need to find that and get smelling pretty before we leave for Italy."

I thought I was hearing wrong. I really, really thought I was hearing wrong! But that isn't the end. Much to my surprise, and much to the surprise of all of the people now staring, Chris dug through his stuff, found his deodorant stick, pulled up his shirt and began smearing his armpits as everyone stood and watched. Yep, that's the one who is going to take care of me in a foreign country. He's the one who is in charge and he began by taking us to the wrong airline. He's the one who is making us late because he's finishing his shower in the middle of the airport! He's the one who is soon going to cause me to have a mini breakdown!

After that little fiasco, we did indeed get our boarding passes, I got to flash my passport not once, but twice, and then the countdown for the first flight began. It was 1:30 p.m., and we were to leave for Dulles at 2:00 p.m.. You guessed it! The plane was delayed! Does Chris care? Are you kidding me? While I clutched onto my boarding pass and hung onto the desk at the gate where we were to board, he went off exploring the airport. I knew at that moment that this trip was NOT going to be an easy one!

Note to self: Keep reminding yourself that kids really don't want to make you go crazy. They just want you to have a sense of humor even if it means you must first have a mental breakdown in order to get the sense of humor!

Finally, finally.......the announcement came, "All those boarding at Gate 9 for Dulles Airport may now board the plane." Those words will never be forgotten. And...... neither will the deodorant exhibit in the middle of the airport be forgotton.

Just as an aside, for those of you who think that I'm fibbing, exaggerating, or just plain telling a lie....I'm NOT! My son, the one sporting that strange looking Rat Tail and that under-the-pants fanny belt (that he wore on the outside of his pants) did every one of those things, and in his mind it was all NORMAL!!!!

Stay tuned for the next stop.....Dulles Airport. There are more surprises awaiting!

Love,

Clara Hinton - aka "Bella"

Off to Italy! - Notes from My Journal - March 1, 2010

2010-03-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

Well, if you've been following along, you already know that there was no sleep the night before the trip. Too much excitement! Let's take a peek into my journal to see what happened the morning of the trip!

March 1, 2010 - 7:00 a.m.

Coffee for me, tea for Chris, and then a bite of toast and then a double-check: Passport, camera, clothes, money (more about that later), checks to drop in the mail (hey, bills have to be paid!), letters to be mailed. Done! Oh, wait -- let's check the weather outside. We've had the worst winter in I don't know how many years -- a couple hundred inches of snow to be exact! I'm freezing, but it's probably my jitters about the trip. Nope! Not so! My feet aren't freezing because of my anxiety about the trip. It's 23 degrees in Shanksville and still snowing! Oh, if Italy has sunshine, I'll know there is a God! I honestly forget what the warm sunshine feels like! Please, please, please let there be sunshine!!!!! I'm craving it. I need it -- I NEED the sunshine!

Chris and I did very little talking before piling our few bags into the car. I think it was an understood message between us that for the next 16 days I'd be looking at his Rat Tail, and he'd be looking at -- well, he'd be looking at "ME"! I felt bad. I honestly felt bad for him at this point because I didn't see the same spark of excitement in his eyes as I was feeling. For me, this trip was a dream-come-true. For Chris, it was a trip of an unknown outcome. I'm sure he was wondering as he glanced at me, "Am I gonna make it 16 days without killing this woman? I could probably get away with it in Italy! I've gotta come up with a plan just in case she starts driving me totally nuts!" Well, like it or not, Chris, it's me and you for the next two weeks so get used to it, kiddo!

The drive into Somerset normally takes about 20 minutes, only today it took longer because of the ice and snow. GRRRR! Down 6th Street and what do I see? Nothing but that darned snow! I'm really sick of this weather, and I'm ready for a change! Italy, here we come! Did I happen to mention that I'm dying to see the sunshine? Italy, please, please have warm weather while we're there! (Note to myself: I really don't use the word "hate" often, but I'm using it now. I HATE all of the snow we've had this winter! There...I feel better just getting that off my chest!)

In the car, Chris and I talked about where we wanted to go in Italy, what we wanted to see, and how we thought things would be. For me.....I wanted to meet the people. Just walk among "my kind" and get the feel of what it must have been like for my grandparents, Franco and Angelina Lucca, who actually lived in Sicily before coming to the United States. I wanted to eat the food, hear the language, see the homes, walk along the sea, and listen to the beautiful music of Italy. I wanted to take in the sights, sounds and smells of everything. The Colosseum. The Vatican City. The Cistine Chapel. Rome. Lucca. Florence. Sicily. Ristorantes. Markets. Seafood. The wine and bread. Ahhhh.......my heart was doing dances just thinking about the awesome things in store for us!

Now, for any of you that know Chris, let's just say he is not very openly expressive nor is he within the realm of what I'd call normal with his romanticism for life. In fact, there are times his bluntness and off-the-wall nuttiness kind of stuns me. This was one of those stunning moments!

"I want to check out all of the chicks, hit some naked beaches, and eat ten meals a day so I can get fat and see if the chicks still go crazy over me. Uh, I want to grow my Rat Tail down my back and twirl it around my finger real sexy-like, I want to grow a razzle-frazzle beard, and I want to flash my fanny pack and make the girls die for me. Oh, yeah....I'm also going to lock you up in your room once a day and go cruisin' around at night to see what the night life is all about."

Huh? Oh, wow! I had a sinking feeling that this could be the trip of my life, only not quite the way I'd imagined. Oh, Lord.....that was about all I could think. Please be with me, Lord. If he acts like this, I'm not gonna make it. I really won't make it. If this kid wrecks up this trip by acting like a 30-year-old Rat Tail, I'll lose it with him. I really will!

NOTE: Moms can say stuff like this because we're moms. After going through the infant, toddler, pre-teen, and teen years, you kind of expect your kids to grow up a bit -- especially when going to a place like Italy. Darn you, Chris! (You'll just have to keep reading in the days ahead to see what happens.)

As we continued to drive along, Chris mentioned "Rick Steves" this and "Rick Steves" that. I had not one iota of a clue what or who he was talking about. Who or what is Rick Steves? A movie star? A famous composer? Somebody Chris knew from work? Somebody we were going to meet up with in Italy? A friend from college who was going to help us find hotel rooms? (No, we didn't have one reservation made! We were entering Italy totally without a place to stay! Another Chris idea, of course! ) I didn't know who Rick Steves was then, but I'd soon learn all about this character.............

Stay tuned for more of the "Adventures of Mom and the Rat Tail in Italy"! I assure you......this is not your normal trip!

Ciao!

Clara - "Bella"

Italy - Quotes from My Journal - Day 1

2010-03-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I've thought a lot about how to share my thoughts with you about my dream-come-true visit to Italy, and the very best way I know to do is to use my daily journal and quote from there. After all, those thoughts were the "real deal" -- the thoughts I had right at the moment. So, let's get started! I hope you'll follow along with me, and "tour Italy" and "tour my heart" for the next several days. The trip was 16 days, but my blog will be more than 16 entries. Come on -- I could write three blogs on Chris' first few moments at Pittsburgh International Airport! What a boy! The Rat Tail Son takes Mom on the Trip of her Life! -- How's that for a good title? :)

Pre-trip Jitters - February 28, 2010 - Sunday

Wow! Off to Rome in just a few short hours. No sleep last night -- way too excited! My mind is swirling and going in every direction. Did I forget to pack anything? Do I have my passport? Gosh! The passport! I cry every time I look at it. For years and years I've dreamed about seeing my face on a passport, and that dream has finally come true. I held it close to me when it arrived in the mail. Holding something in your hands alway makes it seem more real. Yes, I can touch my passport. That means it's real!

Chris spent the night at the house on Sunday so that we could go over last minute details of the trip, and I know he was being "fatherly" towards me. He thinks I don't know how to pack. UGH! Why don't kids get it that their parents somehow managed to get through life without their guidance? I think I get upset about this part because it's a reminder that I'm getting older and that creeping fear always makes my mind think, "The kids are patronizing me because they think I'm getting too old too fast and won't be able to do stuff like traveling very much longer." Hey kids -- your mama isn't dead yet! She has lots of life and spunk left in her so please don't treat me like I'm an antique! Thanks! I just had to get that off of my chest! I hope that doesn't sound unappreciative......you kids will understand what I mean when you get older, too. It's a whole different world when you begin the downward descent of your life than when you're climbing to the peak. Parents don't want to lose their place in the family. They always want to be parents! I guess that's a tip for anyone reading this blog. Always allow your parents to keep their place of dignity. Thanks.

Anyway, Chris bought me an extra memory card for my Sony Cybershot Point and Shoot which is the next best thing to my passport. That Sony is attached to me, and NOBODY will get near it, or they'll see a crazy Italian Mama for sure! Thanks so much for the memory card and the trip to Walmart, Chris! Greatly appreciated 'cause I didn't have the time to go there! Also, thanks a million for researching hotels, places to eat, plane tickets, travel itineray, and all the zillions of other things you did to prepare for this trip. I wonder if I said "thank you" enough to him? Chris, THANK YOU again and again!!!! I know he will never fully understand what this trip means to me, but I'll be sure to share with him my thoughts all along the way. (I can just see him groaning already! My kids hate it that I talk so much! )

Packing was done by 1:00 a.m., then a shower, then WIDE AWAKE thinking about what it will be like. Will I love every minute? Will I get afraid since I have never traveled outside of the United States? Will I be disappointed? Visiting Italy has always been my dream -- will it turn into a mini nightmare instead? Why do thoughts like these even exist, crazy woman??!!?? You know you're gonna LOVE Italy! Well, I hope and pray I'm gonna love Italy! I know one thing....the trip is happening! The trip is really, really happening, and my heart is racing just thinking about it. This has been a dream of mine since I was about 9-years-old.

I can remember sitting under the grape arbor with Grandmom Lucca when I was nine. She was "babysitting" me while my mom was in the hospital after delivering my baby sister, Ruth. Grandmom Lucca never learned to speak English, so you can just imagine the conversation we had under the arbor. She flailed her hands and occasionally got out a word that I understood. And, I sat staring at her face thinking, "I love you so much, and I don't even know how to tell you. I want to be like you. I want to vist the place where you were born. I want to talk like you. I want to know more about you. I want to see Italy!"

Instead, I ended up crying because she got frustrated with me because I couldn't speak Italian. I couldn't wait for my dad to come get me at 5:00. He spoke English AND Italian perfectly. "Why didn't you teach me how to speak Italian, dad?" "Because it's too hard." End of discussion, but not the end of my dream!!!! Never the end of my dream!!!!

Stay tuned for more thoughts tomorrow!

Love,

Clara aka "Bella"

PS Dreams really do come true!!!! Never, ever give up on your dreams!

Petritoli -- the Village that Won My Heart!

2010-03-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

A few months before visiting Italy, friends of ours from the States contacted us and said, "We're going to be in Italy the same time as you, and you simply must come visit us. We bought a small home in Petritoli, and we won't take no for an answer You will visit us!"

And, visit we did! There aren't words to express what Chris and I experienced while in Petritoli, the small self-sufficient villa of 2500 located by the Adriatic Sea to one side and the Sibillini Mountains to the west. Talk about breathtaking! Talk about quaint, and historial, and warm, and giving one the sense of community! The essence of Petritoli is what I dreamed Italy would be, and it turned out to be even more! None of this would have been possible, of course, without the hospitality and friendship of Tom and Kirsten. It's a small, small world and friends are an essential and beautiful part of that world!

Note: Choose friends wisely, and cherish those friends always! Tom and Kirsten, you always have a place to stay with me! And, I will always thank you for opening your home to me!

This blog, in order to do justice to the topics of friendship, beauty of Italy, and events we encountered while in Petritoli, will no doubt turn into several mini blogs as I want to include photos to share with you, also. The sheer beauty of this villa is enough to make your eyes pop right out of your head!

Stepping off of the bus onto the curb in the quaint town of Petritoli, we spotted Tom running to welcome us to Italy! We were all so excited to see each other that the conversation was lively, and filled with laughter as we drove to the local coffee house in the villa to meet up with Kirsten. Walking through the doorway to the coffee house was an experience in and of itself! Sitting on couches and comfy chairs were neighborhood friends, Kirsten sitting central among them as she and Tom were the villa guests. Francesa jumped up to greet us with a hug, a kiss, and a glass of wine! Ahh....you gotta love the people of Italy! One-by-one, the others gave hugs, kisses, offered more wine and cheese and crackers than we needed, and the chatter and laughter continued on into the night. (Keep in mind that Chris and I had gone well beyond 24 hours without a hint of sleep, but who cared? We were far too enthralled by the experience of it all to need any sleep!)

Note: Dogs are allowed in all eateries in Italy as we learned that evening. At first I wondered if everyone there needed a seeing-eye dog, but I soon found out that dogs are as much a part of the culture as people, and so they are included in all activities, including coffee talk!

Also Note: Italians have held tight to the art of conversation! My golly, how much I've been starved for that! I haven't had an evening like this in years! Talking, laughing, sharing the events of the day, and openly and freely hugging and kissing! I cannot even tell you how much I've missed that element in my life. I grew up living in an Italian town with first and second generation Italians who held fast to the culture. Since leaving, I've found myself having to adapt to a hand-off, no hugging, no kissing, and very restrained "visit by invitation only" type of living. Thank you, God, for restoring my belief that there are people left among us who still spend evenings sitting around talking, laughing, and eating together and openly and freely welcome others into their circle of friends!

After getting warmed up with lots of wine for me (hot tea for Chris -- he was a total teetotaler while in Italy!), delicious chocolates, cheeses, fruits, and crackers, we said our farewells for the evening to our newly formed circle of friends in Petriotoli, and off we went with Tom and Kirsten to their home for dinner.

Another thing to Note: Dinner is never served in Italy before 8:30 p.m.! The hours prior to that are spent chatting with friends, sipping on wine, and enjoying the home-baked delicacies of the day! I loved the Italian life-style already!

I'll end the blog on this note for today. There was only one challenge that I had to date since setting foot in Italy -- the toilettes! For the love of Pete, I got locked into every stall I used, and it took me at least 20 minutes each time to figure out the technique of "how to flush"! Tom and Kirsten's home presented the same challenge. Not only was their toilette located on floor 4 of their home, BUT it was a pull string flush that didn't always work! Needless to say, there will be an entire blog of nothing but "la toilettas" in Italia! But, for today.....Tom and Kirsten, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for introducing us to the ways of Italy and to the beauty of Petritoli!

Next item in the journal...dinner at 11:00 p.m.!!! Kirsten is world's best cook -- I'm totally convinced of that!

Love,

Clara

You gotta be kidding me -- A "Winter Hurricane" -- What's next?!?!?!?!

2010-02-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

I think I've about heard it all now. First two feet of snow. Then, three feet of snow. Then, the blizzard of 2010. Now........the "winter hurricane"! What's next?!?!?!? The winds raged, the snow fell to the tune of 18 more inches, the drifts in my driveway are over 6 feet high.......and all roads that lead into town are closed. Bare ground has not been seen since December 1, 2009, and it's now February 26, 2010. I don't know if I should laugh or cry or just pull the covers up over my head and sleep away the remainder of the winter.

Doesn't life throw all of us curves like that from time-to-time? It sure has happened to me more than once, and I'm sure it's happened to you, too! I can well remember the day when 5 of my kids broke out in chicken pox all of the same day. UGH! Or the time when the car broke down and had to be towed three different times in one week -- and all I was doing was trying to get the kids to the doctor because they had been vomiting for a week straight! Sure, I can recall the time the power was out for 5 days during a blizzard and the house was so cold you could see your breath. I kept the two babies bundled in snowsuits and had no way to heat their formula and they froze their little bottoms off just getting their diapers changed.

Stacks of unpaid bills. Sick kids. A broken down car. The flu. A killer migraine. And, then unexpected company standing at the door! We've all been there -- at the place of near collapse wishing that we could just hibernate until all of the problems go away!

But, the truth is we know that we can't hibernate, and as along as we're living and breathing there will be blizzards, snowstorms, and even winter hurricanes that will surround us, trap us in for a while, and try to crush us. BUT, you know what? We manage to make it somehow. We really do! And, sometimes we just need some reminders that life won't always be winter and storms. The sun will come out, the flowers will bloom, and the sky will be blue!

If you're getting slammed by winter right now like I am, try to relax. Sometimes there's nothing we can do but "get through" and hold on to the knowledge that this too shall pass. Winter won't last forever and spring will surely arrive!

I'm still snowed in, and you know what? I stayed in my pj's all day, drank a little wine, indulged in a lot of chocolate, listened to some awesome music, and took advantage of a day off from work. I had a "winter hurricane party", and the night is still young! Hey, why not make the best of a bad situation? Wanna join me? Hop on your snowmobile and come on over. Happy hour begins around eight!

Love and hugs,

Clara

Sometimes you just gotta get away from it all!

2010-02-24T15:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you just gotta get away from it all! I know. I know every excuse in the book because I've probably used them all. "I don't have the time. I don't have the money. I have too much going on. I can't leave the kids. I can't leave my family. I feel guilty for thinking of myself. The time isn't right. I'll wait until next year. My car won't make it. I'm too afraid to fly. Everything's too expensive." And on and on the excuses go!

The truth is that sometimes you just gotta get away from it all or you'll go nuts! That's just about how I was feeling when I left for the beach a few days ago. This winter has been long and hard and cold and brutal. I feel deprived and grumpy when I don't see the sunshine and blue sky for long periods of time. I need to feel the warm sunshine as much as a baby needs to feel the warm hugs of his mama . Winter takes its toll on me, and I knew that it was time to get away from it all for just a few days.

No, my bank account wasn't ready for this trip. It's NEVER ready for a trip. But, I knew if I didn't let a bill or two go and head for the sunshine that I would be emotionally and physically bankrupt in another two weeks. So, I decided to cast all reason aside and fly the friendly skies to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina!

What happened? Well, I can tell you this much. I saw the sunshine every day! I walked the beach for miles and miles. I got up at 6:00 a.m. each day so that I could be on the beach with my camera in order to catch the first glimpse of the morning sun. I found hundreds of awesome seashells (and brought every one of my treasures back home with me). I laughed and smiled and joked and enjoyed meals with friends. I made new friends and laughed some more. I walked to the end of a pier and took hundreds of pictures of the ocean and sand and sea. I went to bed listening to the sound of the ocean waves lapping up against the shore. I woke up to the music of those same ocean waves beckoning me to come enjoy another day of play. And I played hard. And, I got revived.

The light in me that was beginning to flicker and dim is now shining brighter than ever! Yep, I have those same bills to pay. I came home to the same dirty dishes and laundry I left behind. The snow was still piled a mile high. The same problems I left behind were here, and even some new ones arrived. BUT, I'm revived!!!! I'm alive and revived and my mind is more clear, my heart is happier, and I weigh 5 pounds more. And, what a trip! What beautiful memories! What awesome experiences! What a nice retreat away from the grueling winter. What a sweet taste of the beautiful spring that is soon to come!

Do it! Don't postpone any longer. Sometimes you just gotta pack up and get away from it all!

Love and hugs,

Clara

Every beginning has an end -- so they say!

2010-02-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

I've never read a book that didn't have an ending. It may not have been the ending I was anticipating, but there was an ending. Today's blog I'm writing about is none other than the snow we've been getting that began in mid-November of 2009. It is now February 17, 2010 and it is still snowing. The pages of the "book of snow" continue. I know there has to be an end -- so they say, but it's not going to be today. The snow continues to fall. And fall. And fall.

Why is snow such a big topic, you might ask? After all, doesn't the northeast always get snow? Sure we do, but not of this magnitude. Not of this persistence. Not of this strength. Not of this length. We usually get a break inbetween blasts of the wintery white stuff. But, this time, it just continues on and one with nary a break, and every now and then you can throw in a 50-inch blast!

I guess this is a good reminder to me about life. Sometimes life's problems are like this snow. We tend to go through seasons when winter is winter -- all of the regular stuff we have to deal with. Then, there are WINTERS, the kind that give you the days of unending problems, the pile-ups of difficulties that lead to that one big blast that knocks us off of our feet for a while.

So what do we do? Well, in the case of "the snow story", I've decided to just watch it, not fight it, and on most days enjoy it. In fact, I set my alarm to get up earlier than usual this morning just so I could sip a cup of steaming tea and watch the snow falling gently from the sky. I wondered what God was thinking about all of this. Is this a gift -- a blessing? Maybe He wants us to slow down. Maybe He wants us to be more thankful for sunny days. Maybe He wants us to recognize Him as the Creator of all things -- even the snow. I know I found myself having some prayer time along with my tea time, and it felt good. I found myself counting blessings, not reminding myself of problems.

The same analogy can be made when we have "a problem pile-up" in our lives. It's so hard to do, but......maybe God wants us to slow down. Maybe we've been going full-steam ahead in the wrong direction and He wants us to stop before we fall into deep danger. Maybe our tired bodies and weary minds need a rest. Maybe He wants us to see the futility of this life and get real about things that matter -- things of eternal nature. Heavy stuff--these snow stories!!!

And endings? Who knows how anything will end? I love the element of surprise, don't you? When I read a book I hate knowing what the ending is going to be. I love books that keep me on edge right up until the final paragragh of the book. I think that's how it's going to be with this snow. There will be and end to it. When? Who knows? It could be tomorrow. It could be April. It could be June. Why fret about it? Let's just enjoy the element of surprise. We know for a fact that it's going to end. Spring always arrives -- and just at the right time, too!

About or problems in life.....it stinks when we go through the big pile-ups. And, worse yet are the 50-inch crashes that sometimes occur. But, there will be an end to those days, too. If we look we can always find a rainbow. There's never a time when spring doesn't arrive on time.

What am I saying? Hold on and ride out the storm. Every beginning has an end. We just don't know "when" or "how", but we have to walk by faith knowing that there is a gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful spring waiting for us!

Love to you all,

Clara

One hundred seventy five inches and counting!!!!!

2010-02-16T05:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's correct. We've now gone over the 175 inch mark for snow accumulation this winter, and today the sky continues to drop down the white stuff at a steady pace of about an inch an hour.

I got up early this morning -- 5:30 a.m. to be exact -- and sprinted to the kitchen to flip on the outside lights. I wanted to see what was happening with the snow, of course. And, hardly surprised, I saw that the snow had continued to fall throughout the night and was relentless. We haven't had a winter like this since I can remember! My first thought was to get angry. Darn! Another day of fighting the icy, snow-covered roads to get to work. Another day of frozen feet. Another day without sunshine. But then...........

I put on a pot of delicious coffee to perk, and grabbed my most favorite soft blanket in all of the world, and began to rethink this entire snow thing. Okay. So, it's snowing. So what? The snow is beautiful. It's white and clean and fresh and soft. And, on top of all of that, my life is way too full of blessings to let snowflakes take away my joy.

So, I began counting my blessings, naming them one-by-one: hugs and kisses, love notes and love texts (hey, it's 2010~~~we text love letters these days!), wonderful kids and the most awesome grandkids, a family who loves me unconditionally. Okay, I know....getting kind of sappy, but it's true.

As I sipped on my steaming coffee, I thought of more and more blessings: a warm home, peace in my life, friends to die for, a wonderful job, the privilege to teach (something I LOVE to do!), delicious food, electricity, a computer, a car, a phone, and Oscar. How could I ever forget my dog, Oscar? He showers me with sloppy, bad-breath kisses every day whether or not I deserve them. He's my forever and always bud!

Sure there's more: the freedom I enjoy living in this land of abundance, kindness shown to me every day, eyesight, hearing, the ability to walk and talk, good health. God. God is central to my life and the foundation of everything I do. How much I thank Him for putting people in my life when I was a child who told me about my God. Thank you, Grandmom!!! Thank you to my mom and dad. Sisters. What a blessing -- one in heaven and one on earth. My cup overflows with blessings.

See what I mean? I could go on for hours naming the awesome people and blessings in my life!!! Now, don't get jealous and get thinking my life is ALL blessings and no pain. Are you kidding me? Everybody alive has lots of pain and heartache, and I've often been "Queen of Pain", but...you know what? Pain always leads me right back to the same thing -- counting my blessings. I hope if you're having a rough kind of day today that you'll grab a cup of coffee, tea or hot cocoa and start counting, too. Yeah. I'm counting the inches of snow that keeps falling, but I'm counting my blessings, too, and I think you can guess which pile is adding up the quickest!

Hang in there.......the snow will one day melt and winter will leave. But, your blessings are FOREVER!!!! Count them one-by-one, and fill that heart of yours with joy!

I love you bunches!

Clara

A Picture Really is Worth A Thousand Words!

2010-02-15T13:16:00.001-08:00

Well, it has happened -- the worst winter in a century or more! Over 160 inches of snowfall, with another foot of snow in today's forecast. And, to think it's only February!!!!

I'm cold. I'm tired of being snowed in. I'm weary of shoveling my porch only to have it covered over in snow again in a few hours. My stomach gets tied in knots when I get in the car to drive on the icy roads with near zero visibility. I'm not amused with ice boulders every few feet smacking into the side of my car. And, I'm already anticipating what the flooding is going to be like when this snow finally begins to melt.

BUT..........the truth of the matter is that winter is here and there is really nothing I can do to change that fact. I can fuss and fume. I can cry and whine. I can pout and scream. I can threaten to leave the area. I can kick in the side of my car when it gets stuck in yet another snow drift. But none of that helps. It only gives a spike to my blood pressure and makes my mood change to a dismal level of complaint and ungratefulness.

We really and truly do have choices when it comes to situations like this. We can fight it, OR we can make a quiet resolve to get through the "winter of our lives" as best we can and come through a survivor. I've decided to chill out and get through. One of the ways I'm doing this is by looking at lots and lots of pictures of happy times I've spent in the sunshine! Times when life felt good and right and warm and wonderful. Times when the sun was literally shining on my face and making me feel alive and energized from the inside out.

And, you know what? It helps! It honest and truly helps to remember those happy times and to actually "see" that those times were real. I spent some time this morning looking through my photos and smiling. Ahhh.......so many wonderful moments spent in the sunshine with family and friends. So many gorgeous photos of flowers and green grass and blue skies and fluffy white clouds floating aimlessly through the sky. Just seein the photos of the sunshine helped take away the chill my body was feeling as the snow continued to fall.

Even more helpful is looking at these pictures and absolutely knowing that spring will return just as certain as the night will turn into day. I have found HOPE in the winter of my life by remembering the springtimes that I've been so blessed to enjoy! A picture really is worth a thousand words and more!!!!

If you're in the dead of winter and it feels like it's never going to end, why not pull out some photo albums and begin to be filled with hope and joy? I guarantee you that you'll have tons of laughter along the way, too! Winter? Sure. Everybody goes through winter, and some winters are worse than others. But............everybody gets to experience spring, too, and many, many springs are too awesome to put into words.

Stop fighting winter. It's here. It won't last forever. Make the most of it (there actually is beauty to be found -- even in the most horrible of winters). And, get out those pictures of the moments you've enjoyed in the springtimes of your life. Laugh. Love. Live. Enjoy. Yep, even in the winter!!! Why wait until spring when you can be happy today?

Love to you,
Clara

Another Valentine's Day Spent Alone

2010-02-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

For many people, just the words "Valentine's Day" sends a shiver of pain up their spine. For them it means being alone again. Nobody to call them special. No flowers sent to their door. No box of chocolate candy to share by candlelight with the love of your life. No romantic date. No hugs and kisses and hearing those words we all crave, "I love you." Valentine's Day for many is a day of heartache and reminders of being nobody's special one.

All of this could get rather dismal, BUT we do have choices in things like this. I know......you probably don't want to hear it because you've heard it so many times before. "Life is a sum of the choices we make. We can choose to be happy or we can choose to live in misery." There was a time in my own life when that was told to me and I wanted to raise my leg and do a karate kick right in the person's face who was talking to me. I, like you, didn't want to hear it. It's difficult to hear that we have a choice in matters of the heart. But, it's true.

I'm convinced that very few people will have that movie-star, dream of a lifetime type of Valentine's Day. Couples will argue and fight. Many will go to extravagant extremes and increase their debt on their charge cards. Others will buy cards and flowers only to have them thrown out the next day. The thought of Valentine's Day is awesome, but the reality of life is that we really and truly should be living as though every day was Valentine's Day -- speaking those words "I love you" to those we love more than once a year. Doing acts of kindness and love in the little daily things such as taking out the garbage without being asked, running the vacuum to help out, giving a much-needed word of encouragement to someone who needs it. None of these things cost money, but they do add up in the bank account of life. Small, unsolicited kindnesses often make the difference between a person wanting to get up in the morning or not.

So, how should YOU spend Valentine's Day this year if you're alone? Well, I have two suggestions and I've done both so I know that both work. You can choose to ignore the fact that the calendar has extra words printed on it that say "Valentine's Day." Keep in mind, those are only words, and the 24 hours on February 14 will pass just as surely as the 24 hours on February 15 will pass, so why get all fussed up about it? Don't put yourself into a tailspin and throw yourself into depression over a date on a calendar!!!!

You can also do something that requres some action, and I guarantee you that it will make you feel like a million bucks even if you're feeling like a tarnished penny right now. DO SOMETHING KIND FOR SOMEONE ELSE!

Do you have a nearby Children's Hospital or Nursing Home? If so, make a visit and deliver a bag of valentines (you can get a box for a dollar at the Dollar Tree) and have the nurses distribute them to someone in a hospital who has no visitor that day. I get happy just thinking about doing that!!!! Take a bunch of valentines with you and go to a local mall and hand them out to passers by. Will they think you're crazy? Some might, but I'll guarantee you that many will thank you because YOU will be their only Valentine this year. Go to a local eatery (not a fine dining establishment) and pay for someone's meal anonymously. How awesome that would be!!!! I assure you there will be lots of people eating alone on Valentine's Day -- not just you. Get creative. You can make a list of 50 or more ways to make someone else's day brighter, I'm sure, and when you do, YOU have become a SPECIAL VALENTINE to each one and your own heart will overflow with love, too.

Yes, we do have a choice. Me? I have my box of Scooby Doo valentines sitting on the kitchen table all ready to go!

Bunches of love to you,
Clara

What's this crazy feeling I have?

2010-02-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

Have you ever gotten hit with a feeling and you don't really know what it is? You feel kinda sick, no energy, can't sleep right......nothing feels or seems right...and there's some kind of "nagging" that just won't go away? I think we probably can all identify. I know I sure can!

That very thing has happened to me time and time again, and I just could never pinpoint what it was until about 5 years ago. It's GRIEF. GRIEF. Yep, GRIEF! I don't even like the sound of that word!!!!

I used to get that sick ache in my stomach as a kid when my parents would argue and fight. I got that same awful feeling when I didn't complete a homework assignment in school on time and got into trouble. I got that feeling when my 13-year-old sister died (and I was only 15). That was REALLY bad!!! "That feeling" stayed for at least two years, and I had no clue what to call it. Grief wasn't even a word in the dictionary back then -- at least I sure never heard that word being used in school!

That same "crazy feeling" came over me when my first child got married and moved away. My stomach ached and I felt awful. Nothing that the doctor could diagnose, but I knew I just didn't feel right. So, is grief what you call heartache?

I think so many of us hurt inside and we don't know what to call it and we sure don't know how to deal with "it"! That "it" is grief, and it's tough. It can rip us apart, flatten us, and leave us feeling like we've been beaten up.

I'll be talking more about this in different blogs, but for now I just want to say that the first step to "healing" is knowing how to identify this thing called grief. If you have no real physical illness that can be diagnosed by a doctor, and if you've had some kind of major life change going on, then I'd say you are probably experiencing grief. It stinks. It hurts. It makes you feel like garbage. BUT........................it does get better! I promise you. It takes time, and it takes talking, and it takes work, but it does get better.

If you're going through something that is a grief to you right now, take time to write down your thoughts on a piece of paper. Then, share with someone how much you hurt. Find others who have gone through similar experiences as you're going through. Then, line up your support.....any friends you can find who will listen and be a help! And, read, read, read all you can to help you find ways to cope.

What helped me? Getting out among nature. I LOVE taking walks in the woods, looking at the moon and twinkling stars, watching flowers bloom, feeling the soft breeze of springtime touch my face. The more you surround yourself with positive, healing, hopeful things, the more your mind will be saturated with thoughts of healing. Hang in there!!! Work hard!!! Trust your gut and do what is best for you!! And, remember...."it will get better!"

Love,
Clara Hinton
http://www.silentgrief.com/

Help! I Just Want to Hide!

2010-01-26T12:50:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have a day when your heart hurts so bad that you just want to hide from everybody and everything? Life can pile up and pile up and sometimes the pain gets so bad that we think we going to break in two if we don't get some kind of comfort. And, right when we think we've reached our breaking point, we get another blast to the heart again!

Being a mom of 11 kids, I've had days when I've wanted to literally run away......you know those kinds of days when everything you say, do, and think is wrong, and bad goes to worse, and you can't take any more. I can't really tell you that there is a set of rules to follow that will make it all go away, but I can tell you that it helps to stop doing whatever you're doing, and sit still. Yep! You heard me. Just be still. Take some long, deep breaths, and just "get through" the day, the hour, the night, the minute, the emergency....whatever it is that has your heart and stomach tied in a knot.

Then, find a place where you can scream, kick, yell, holler, bawl, punch........to release some of that pain. If you don't, you'll eventually fall into a heap on the floor and cave. And, nobody wants that! After you've done your ranting, try to think "logically"! HA! That's a tough one -- especially when in the middle of a near breakdown crises. But, we have to do it. If we can't think logically alone, then get some help. A friend. A doctor. A pastor. A relative. Just find somebody who will listen and give some good, sound advice.

And, then.............do what I've done probably a million times in my life. GO LOCK YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A SOOTHING, BUBBLE BATH!!!!! I'm not making light of heavy situations, but in all honesty, it really does help to soak away your troubles for an hour. I used to lock the bathroom door, put on ear muffs to drown out the sound of the screaming kids, and fill bubbles in the tub til they overflowed. Sometimes, I lit a candle; most times I sipped a (tall) glass of wine while soaking in the tub. :)

My troubles weren't taken away by bubbles, BUT I did find "a healing place" to rest and withdraw from the craziness of life for a while. We all need that healing place -- that place to call "our own" where we can rest for a bit, remove ourselves from the cares of this world, wallow in our sorrows for a brief while, then refuel with fresh hope and new energy.

Take a break.........TODAY! Find that healing place of your own and use it frequently!!!
Love,
Clara
PS Bath salts are on sale at CVS this week!

Summer in Winter -- Is It Really Possible?

2010-01-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

What would you say if you knew that you could find the warmth and sunshine of the summer in the very depths of winter? Would you go after it? Would you try to find out how this is possible? Well, if you're like me, of course you'd go running to wherever you needed to go to find the answer as to how you could do this! Well, I can tell you right now that it is possible to find summer even in the midst of the most dark, dreary, cold winter.

When life feels like it has a black cloud hanging overhead, and your heart is heavy from pain and sorrow, it's time to call on that inner strength we know as "hope" to help us rise above the dark clouds into the light of day. How do we do this? Well, there are a number of ways, beginning with changing our thoughts. We must never allow the negative thoughts to outweigh the positive, nor should we permit the negative to make a home in our hearts and minds. For most of us, this is a daily struggle -- sometimes it's an hourly struggle, but it can be done!

We have so many "miracles" surrounding us that we cheat ourselves by not opening our eyes to look at the beauty of nature and all it can give us each and every day. Have you ever studied the details of a snowflake? Have you allowed raindrops to fall gently against your face? Have you taken the time to smell the air in the autumn and to breathe in the crispness of the changing season? All of these things are reminders that "our summer" is waiting for us. Just as certain as the stars twinkle in the evening sky and the sun rises to bring forth a new day, so, too will our summertime arrive --even in the darkest of winters.

Hope is alive! Hope is eternal! Hope is our gift to use each and every day! Never allow the outer temperatue of life interfere with the inner temperature of your heart! Keep your thoughts focused on the lovely, the pure, the holy, and the beautiful and your summer will spring forth even in the middle of the frozen winter!

With love,
Clara Hinton
www.silentgrief.com
www.clarahinton.com

Is Anybody Listening?

2009-10-22T16:33:00.001-07:00

When we're feeling all alone and blue and totally miserable from our pain, it seems like we can yell from here to the high heavens and nobody is listening. Notice I said "it seems" like nobody is listening. I've been in that place so many times that it's not even funny, and I'm sure that you have, too. Unfortunatly, that's one of the most difficult of all parts of grieving and hurting .... feeling alone.

So, what can we do to ease our loneliness? I have a suggestion that seems almost absurd, but I promise you that it works. While you are NOT in any kind of emotional or physical pain, take the time to make a list of all of the people you "could" call on to help give you support if you needed it. Maybe your Pastor, a family member, a close friend. Perhaps it would be your doctor, a counselor, or the neighbor down the street. You don't need a LONG list; you only need two names to make it a list. Then, put their phone number next to their name.

And, now comes the final action part that will provide you with the support when you need it. CALL THE PERSON(S) on your list and let them know what you are doing. Tell them you are building a support system in ADVANCE so that when the time comes you can call and receive help when you need it in the form of emotional support, a ride to the doctor, an ear to listen, an errand runner. You know what I mean. Almost without hesitation, the person you call will agree to be your special support buddy.

Being prepared is a key factor to receiving support when you need it. When you already know who you will call on, that alone provides healing and comfort. Don't wait until an emergency arrives for you to try to gather your thoughts as to who you can call on to help you. Have your list ready, and I promise you that you will never have to cry out again, "Is anybody listening?" because there always will be somebody there!!!

Clara Hinton
http://www.silentgrief.com/
http://www.clarahinton.com/

Spend Time with Nature and Be Thankful

2009-07-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the pain and craziness of life catches up with us and we feel like there is no place to go to escape from the everyday pressures of life. That's when we need to follow a prescription for "peace" that was given to me a long time ago by a family doctor. His Rx was very plain and clear to understand: "Spend time alone with nature every day. Find at least one thing to be thankful for each day." That was it.

I wondered if the doctor had lost his mind. I was anxious, overburdened, and stressed. I was experiencing burnout from life. And, he didn't give me any medication -- rather he told me to spend time with nature and be thankful. That's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted a way to fix my pain and brokenness. What I didn't understand yet was that the doctor had indeed given me the right formula -- the correct prescription for peace.

I began to do as the doctor said.......I began by taking a small walk every day. At that time, I lived in town, and was not near a forest, or lake, or gardens. So, I walked and appreciated the flowers in others front lawns, the occasional chipmunk that ran across the street, and I even grew to like seeing the little caterpillars that were on the sidewalk. Little did I know at that time that my heart was beginning to find peace. I became thankful for all of the signts and sounds I found while on my walk.

It is now many years after that family doctor handed me the prescription, and to this day, I always begin my day with saying "thank you" for something in my life, and I always walk with nature even if only for 5 or 10 minutes each day. The peace I feel when seeing the beauty in nature cannot be found in a pill. And, the stress that is relieved when I say "thank you" is unbelieveable. In fact, I'll guarantee you that you won't be able to stop saying "thank you" for just one thing in your life........you'll continue on and on and on and on.

Sometimes the most simple acts bring about the biggest changes in our lives. Are you searching for healing and peace? If so......spend some time with nature every day and say thank you. The formula works!!!!!

Father's Day -- A Really Difficult Day

2009-06-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

Father's Day is a really difficult day for me. It has been 20 years since I've seen my dad.....not by my choice, but by his. And, to make matters worse, I don't understand "why" he has chosen to deny me this relationship between father and daughter. We were never real close during my childhood, but I always knew he was there. He wasn't much of a talker or communicator, but he showed his love in little ways that let me know he cared. He sent cards on Easter, and Christmas, and he would talk when I called. Other than that, there wasn't that warm and fuzzy relationship that I longed for between the two of us. But, that's okay. I still had a father.

Twenty years ago, that changed, though. The last visit I had with my father was a wonderful one. He lives on a large farm by himself, and I brought my family to visit him. He showed us the dairy cattle, the fields of corn, and took us on a wonderful hayride. It was in September, and I can still smell the great fall air, and see the fields in the distance looking ready for harvest.

Following that trip, my dad put off phone calls....he said he was "too busy" to talk. He was always too busy doing farm work. My kids (his grandchildren) would call, but he was again too busy to talk. On four different occasions we made plans to go visit him -- an almost five hour drive away -- only to have him call very early in the morning to cancel the visit because he was "too busy" again.

The years passed, and now there has been no communication for several years. When holidays roll around, especially Father's Day, the pain hits again and reminds me that my grief is still very alive and very much present in my life. How I'd love to hear the wise words of a father, to see the caring eyes of a father, and to know the feeling of safety and security of being loved unconditionally by a father. It looks like that is never going to happen, though. Not with my earthly father.

How can I find a healing place? A place that feels good and right and that "fits" when the word father is mentioned? Actually, I've found it in my heavenly Father. He is the only Father I know, and when I think about it, He is the only Father I really and truly need.

Today as I sat in church, I heard person after person say, "Thank you, Dad. You've inspired me. You've always been there. You've taught me unconditional love. You never missed one of my soccer games. You taught me how to face tragedy."

I sat quietly on my seat in church, and said the same words. 'Thank you, Father. You've listened to me when I've needed a listening ear. You've been with me through my worst days, as well as my best. You've love me unconditionally, and you still do. You taught me about grace and forgiveness. You are always near. And, you are never, ever too busy!"

I've found my Healing Place in Him. Thank you, Father God.

Finding a Quiet Place Among the Clutter of Life

2009-05-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'd had a bad dream and didn't feel like getting up. I just wanted to pull the covers back over my head and go into hiding. But, when you have a job, you can't do that. So.......reluctantly I got up and looked around me and saw nothing but "clutter" from unfinished business. Dishes to clear away. Clothes to wash. A dirty kitchen floor. Bills laying in a pile unopened. Garbage that needed to be emptied. You get the picture.

I tried to collect my thoughts, but there was only more clutter.......my emotional clutter from days and weeks before. Unfinished sentences. Phone calls that were never made. Decisions that were left on the back burner. And, I began to panic. I needed a place to replensih myself....I needed to find a healing place for today.

As I got ready for work, I took several deep breaths to try to calm myself, and then I looked outside to see the raindrops falling. Why, I couldn't even take a nice walk and enjoy it........OR, could I? The more I thought, the more I realized that clutter and problems and rain will always be part of our lives, so I have a decision to make each and every day. I can either try to live joyfully in spite of the clutter, or I can call it quits and add to my already cluttered life.

I decided to take a walk in the rain with my camera and soak up all of the beauty that nature had to offer. You know what? It worked!!!! I looked at the beauty of unfolding buds, listened to the birds chirping in the rain, and felt the gentle drops touching against my face, and life didn't seem so cluttered afterall. In fact, there was order and beauty and promise to be found in nature. There was hope! And, by stretching outside of my cave of clutter, I managed to stumble right into "my healing place" of quietness and beauty for today!

Take a break today. Do something different. Find something that is away from the everyday clutter of your life, and look for your miracle.....your place of healing. It's there waiting to be discovered!!!!!

When It Rains, It Pours

2009-05-26T15:26:00.001-07:00

Life can often throw things at us in fast succession! Sick kids, a broken washing machine, the toilet gets stopped up, a flat tire on the car, and a phone call complaining about the dog's barking all in one day! Times like those make us feel like sitting in a heap on the floor and hiding until the clouds disappear and the sun is shining again. Unfortunately, we don't have that option.

Instead, we take the kids to the doctor, we call the repairman for the washing machine, we call the plumber to unclog the toilet, we fix the tire (or call for help), and we bake the neighbor a pie and apologzie for the noise and promise we'll keep our dog quiet. By then, we're STILL ready to fall on the floor in a heap from physical and mental exhaustion!!!

How do we find replenishment during times like that when the rain won't stop and it just keeps on pouring? For me, I've had to learn the art of visualization. I find a secluded place (most often that's in my bedroom), lock the door, play some very soft, calming music, and close my eyes allowing only peaceful scenes to run through my mind. I visualize a meadow of soft grass, a field of lovely flowers, or a secluded beach with only the ocean waves softly rolling onto shore and lovely palm trees swaying in the breeze. I call this my "take fifteen" where I allow only positive healing thoughts, sights, and sounds to enter my mind. By the end of the fifteen minutes, I'm far more composed, feel more in control, and have the energy to tackle the problems that are waiting for me.

A good reminder is this: nothing lasts forever -- and this is especially true of the rain. Sooner than we think the sun will be shining again!

I hope you can find your "healing place" and visit that place often. Share with others, too, so that we can all learn and grow from each other!!!

Memorial Day -- How should we remember?

2009-05-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day is a day set aside for remembering those who have gone on before us and have fought in a battle or served time in the armed services in order to help preserve the freedoms that we enjoy in the United States. In this country we have many parades, special services, and speeches from Miliary Personnel who help us to remember the foundations of our freedoms.

All of this is good, and is honorable and it is wonderful to have a special day such as this set aside to prompt us to remember our core values and to be thankful for the blessings that we have. But, how do we remember the individual who has gone on? Often, we idealize our loved one to the point of perfection, and this is many times a key factor in triggering extreme guilt for not "being there", for not "doing more", and for not "being a better parent, sibling, child, or friend."

It is good and even necessary to remember those who have gone on before, but I would caution us to remember our loved ones realistically. What do I mean by that? We should remember our loved ones as they were -- human and prone to mistakes just as we are. When we block out the "real part" of our memories, we only remember perfection and that is often hard to deal with.

Let me get a bit personal......my grandfather served in the military for a period of four years, and I love him dearly for that! He told many "war time stories", and he was a courageous man who helped to preserve the freedoms of this nation. He was also a worker in a sawmill, and he was the "keeper of the gate" for a draw bridge. Add to that, he was an alcoholic who went on week-end "benders" every time he got a pay check. He never learned how to write his name, and he didn't really care. He always signed with an "X" . There are funny stories to remember, as well as some that were sad. But, ALL of those remembrances help to remember my grandfather as the man he truly was!!!

Let us remember those who have gone on before on this special day..........may we remember truthfully, realistically, and honestly. And, as we do, we will be taking one more step forward in finding that "healing place" for our souls!

How should I remember my loved one?

2009-05-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

Remembering is a tricky thing, especially when remembering a loved one. We often tend to idealize the person who has passed on, many times placing that family member on a pedestal of honor and perfection. The danger in doing that is setting ourselves up for extreme guilt.

It's good to remember; in fact, I think it's necessary to remember. But, I think we need to do so with honesty, even when our tendency is to remember only the good times, only the good qualities, and only the most ideal situations with that person.

Part of the grieving and healing process is to accept "reality", and often the reality is that the person who has died was not always friendly or loving or kind. On a personal level, that happened when my mother passed away. I was overcome with terrible guilt for quite a while following her death because I refused to (or maybe I just couldn't at the time) remember her realistically. In my unrealistic image, she was a quiet, sweet, gentle person when in reality she was not that way at all. That's not to say that I didn't love my mother........I certainly did, but it took me a while to love her as she truly was!

Now, I can remember with fondness and even with a lot of laughter and joy and tell funny stories about some of her antics. In fact, my kids love to hear the "real stories" about "Nana", the character who left this earthly life far too soon for most of my children to get to know her.

Remembering is a large part of our healing. But, remembering truthfully is necessary or we will never be able to really work through this part of our grief in a healthy way. If Aunt Flo was a character who drank a bottle of Vodka a day and cussed up a storm, then that's how we need to remember Aunt Flo -- not as a prim and proper lady who never did any wrong and was quiet as a church mouse. To remember incorrectly is doing both a disservice to Aunt Flo and to ourselves.

Remember your loved one today, but do so with honesty. It's okay to remember the flaws, too, because those things are part of who we all are.

My mother? She was an Aunt Flo, and then some! Along with her daily bottle of Vodka, she had a heart of gold, and I will always remember her giving spirit along with the " wild tales of adventure" that made her who she was -- "Little Helen, the Fireball"!

It's the weekend.....now what?

2009-05-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

I used to love the weekends, until.......until grief entered my life. Then, the weekends became a time of drudgery, and a time of more sadness and sorrow.......a time when the hours just seemed to linger on and on and time seemed to stand still. At least during the week I was kept busy!

That is the cry of many people who find themselves in need of "a healing place"..... a place that is a reprieve from pain and sadness and reminders of what has been lost. We generally associate the weekends with "time off", "family time", "sleeping in", "taking mini one-day vacations", or just "hanging out around the house killing time." For the griever, none of these things are appealing, nor do they help!

What does help? What can I do on the weekend that will help me to heal and not hurt? First of all, have a plan. Not having a plan is planning to fail. Be sure to have something in mind: taking a walk, watching a movie, taking a drive in the car........it's always good to "do something" no matter how little that something is.

Secondly, be sure to surround yourself with lots of positives......positive photos, positive readings, postive music......things that will give you a healing message. The more we think about pain, the more the pain will intensify. And, on a better note, the more we think about positive things, the more positive we will feel. We can have a choice in this matter, and for the grieving person, this bit of "control" is significantly important!

Thirdly, remember that "this, too, shall pass." The weekends will always be here, but the loneliness from loss won't last forever. There will come a day when you will not feel so alone or so empty. If you have to, write that thought down on paper, and put that reminder in key places throughout the house where you can see it, read it, and hold that thought deep within your subconscious mind.

Finding a healing place is a task that every grieving person faces, and that place will be different for everyone. Do what is best for "you" and by doing so, your grief will not overtake you. By having a weekend plan, you also have a weekend place of healing!

What am I doing this weekend? What else......working in my flower beds. That is my weekend plan for a healing place!

What is a Grief Retreat?

2009-05-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

When we think of the word "retreat" we generally think of a place to "get away", "a hiding place", "a place of restoration and replenishment", and "a place to withdraw from regular routines." All of those descriptions are true! And, when going to a "Grief Retreat" you can expect even more........you can expect to gain a lifeline of support, and a nucleus of friendships, and coping skills that will aid you as you journey through this foreign land we call "grief."

I am a Bereavement Facilitator, the author of the book Silent Grief (about "finding your way through the darkness" following child loss), and the founder of the www.silentgrief.com website. I am also a mom who has suffered six miscarriages, delivered a stillborn son, and experienced the pain of the death of my 13-year-old sister (when I was 15).

On September 18, 2009 there is an opportunity for parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends who have lost a child or loved one to gather together in the healing mountains of Pennsylvania to spend time together learning methods of healing and replenishment. This is the Second Silent Grief Retreat to be held, and it's my hope that if your heart is in a place of pain from loss you will give yourself this "gift of life" by attending this Silent Grief Retreat.

Does it take guts to attend? It sure does! That first step is always the most difficult step. But, I can guarantee you that you will not regret going to this retreat! We will have lots of discussion, informal sessions together, meals together, alone time, fun time (including a hayride!), and times of meditation, relaxation, and prayer. Please visit www.clarahinton.com for the agenda and registration sign up form.

Why am I telling you about this? Because I want your heart to feel good again. I want you to experience joy again. I want you to feel warmth and friendship again. I want you to "feel." I've "been there" in the grief realm, and my life, like the lives of so many, continues to be touched by grief in many different ways. But, I also know inner peace and joy and I want to share with you how to experience that, too.

Why not give the retreat a try? Open your heart to healing. I'd love to meet you, and welcome you into the "family of survivors" and help walk this walk of healing with you.

Do this one exercise for today: Visualize yourself as feeling peaceful. Think of a calm flowing stream. Close your eyes and listen to the gentle sounds of nature about you. Picture fields of fresh green grass and lovely flowers. Think of the most peaceful scene you can ever imagine....for me that would be walking along the shore of a seculded beach where the only thing I can see for miles and miles is the gorgeous blue sky and blue water. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly as you are thinking peaceful thoughts and visualizing peaceful places.

Finally, when you feel yourself being overcome with fear, doubt, stress, and anxiety, bring these peaceful thoughts and visions to mind and feel the peaceful calm enter your body and mind. Use this as one of your coping skills in difficult situations. It works every time!

Have a wonderful day today! Living life fully is a choice, and it is my hope that you will join me in the choice to have a beautiful day today!

Healing Can Be Found When We Look

2009-05-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

So many times we want to just give up, give in, or check out when life becomes too heavy for us. I know because I've been there ...... not just once, but many times. I've been to the point of feeling like there was no hope left....life could only get worse, not better.

BUT, something began to click for me, and it can click for you, too. For me, the catalyst was a rainbow. I remember it so well. I was crying ...no, I was sobbing, as I was driving along the old country road that leads to home. I felt helpless and hopeless. I had recently delivered a stillborn baby boy, and my life fell apart. My heart was shattered.....I no longer felt alive. I felt lonely and in pain every minute of the day and night. But, there was this rainbow that appeared in the sky following a torrential downpour and some severe thunder and lightening. There in the sky was a visual reminder written against the backdrop of the universe that I was not alone. Somebody did care, and somebody was watching over me. Somebody felt the pain that I was feeling at that moment. And, that's all I really needed.....somebody....anybody to care.

From that very moment, my tears began to subside, and I was able to see things that I hadn't seen in months. I saw the silver lining that appeared on the clouds. I saw the sun peeking through the darkness. I saw the trees gently swaying in the summer breeze. I saw hope.

Nature is one of life's greatest healers. Nature is just full of miracles of all kinds....from the unfolding of a bud into a blossom to the chirping of the crickets on a warm summer night. When we seek, we will find. When we look, we will see. When we search, we will find a way.

If your heart hurts today, right at this minute, STOP. Look around you. If you are not sitting in a place that is appropriate for healing, then move. Go take a walk. Get in the car and drive to the nearest park or lake. Find some flowers and trees. Listen to the sounds of nature. Allow it to speak to you. Allow the music of nature to calm your restless soul and help fill you with peace.

Come to think of it.........I think I'm going to do just that. I'm going to go light a candle, put on some soft music, and visualize myself sitting on the shore of a beautiful ocean listening to the calm water rolling back and forth against the sand. That's my healing place....... Now, how about if you take a long, cleansing breath, and find your special place of healing.